And it all seems so unreal....

Here I sit looking at my blank screen. And I think about the person I am today. I dont feel the serenity that I once did, or the love or the peace. I once again dont feel like I know myself as well as I did. But in saying all this I cant tell you why. I dont know why. Is is really something to do with being away from the Outback? Or is it because I dont spend so much time with myself? I can see my face is harder or maybe more stressed now. Im not so sure why. I mean I dont live a particularly hard life back here. I dont even drink as much as I used to. Maybe its just the freedom and spirit that I am lacking.
But I do miss that place. It now feels so distant from me that I cant believe that it ever happened. I am so proud that it did and so thankful for the opportunities that I was given.
I think it would be a great experience for anyone. The things I learnt are things that cant be taught. Its just a way of life. I do think because of it I have a different perspective on life and the (sur)real world now. And I miss the things that I never thought I would.
I just hope that one day I get to share it with someone special.

MainStream

Ok. So this is my first post since Ive come back to the real world. I appologise for the delay. I have written so many trials in my head and on document but Ive never had the balls to publish them. The first thing I will say is that the real world is HARD. Ive never really noticed but since ive come back it has been more relevant to me. The people here dont care about the things i have been taught to. And I know I have only been there approx 4 months. But it was a real 4 months. It feels like everything else is a crime against it. Which sounds weird I know.
Today is Australia Day. I do not value any day in the year as much as this. This is my life blood. I love this country. But it is the worst Australia Day i have ever had. And I'm not meaning to sound like a drunken cunt - obviously i do though. Today I have faught with my boyfriend and my friends - the people that I came back here for. It makes me not think that all this unhapiness is worth it. I do know for sure that I was much happier up there. I do admit I missed him with all of my conscienous. But in looking back he still never put him self on the line for me. What if I didnt come back? Would he have just accepted that?
Aside from all this real world bullshit, I feel like I could be doing something better with my time. I found out tonight that all the girls I worked with have quit since I have left. What are they doing with themselves? And their families? Is this my fault? Have I let them down? I do feel if I had stayed that they would still be making money. I feel guilt. And I dont like it. The pull this place has over me is way too much.
But most definatley I will wait til the sober morning and make my decision from there.