I sit here. Its 1:30am. I am in the middle of the Outback. In the Northern Territory. Not many people get to see what it is like here. I am lucky. And grateful for this experience.
Earlier today I made the decision to go home a week early. Reason being for a job interview. Sounds all good, pure and lucky. But it is scaring me out of my brain.
I leave in 6 days.
I leave this world behind, possibly to never see it again. The people I have met will soon be a distant memory and no longer the people I talk to everyday. Everything I have here will be gone. In saying that I am very happy to go home. But nervous.
When I arrive home, the first thing I have to do when I get off the plane is go to my interview. Picture this. I havent worn enclosed shoes for the last 4 months, havent brushed my hair - I have a dreadlock in the middle of it, and I dont even have any business looking clothes here. So god knows what I am going to do. And on top of that I'm worried how my personal things are going to go. What if I just want to be a vagabond and just travel around for ever because this is what the lifestyle up here has instilled in me. What if I cant handle the real world anymore??
It is haunting me.
Adding to the speak of haunting, I was drinking with a friend of mine tonight, and we got into the discussion of the Underbelly of this community. The stories she told me will haunt me for many years to come.
I warn you this next part will be explicit, but I do however feel that I need to mention it so that I can give an accurate description of the horror I have encountered tonight, and the the picture it paints for the rest of the community.
My friend informs me that certain children in their classes are classed as "high risk" meaning they are basically in danger of sexual interference in their living situation, or suicide. She continues to inform me that she had been having problems with a boy, acting out against other class mates and basically causing a stir for a while, she reports it to the school counsellor. Who decides not to present any information, the teacher continues battling with this child, basically fighting against him to teach him. It turns out now, over a year later, that this child - 6 years old, had been raped for 3 days by a group of 6 boys who had held him hostage within a house in this community. The parents never looked for this child. They never cared that he wasnt there. It took for a teacher to cause a stir that the boy was missing.
The thing that upsets me the most, is that he may have been able to have an enjoyable experience at school if the teacher had known what was going on/had gone on. He has suffered being bullied as a "poofter" by the other students. There are no psychologist here. No one to help with the mental issues this child might be suffering. If there was, maybe one more suicide could be prevented, maybe by that information passed along, another one could be too.
There were many other stories I heard tonight. All of them a firm picture stuck in my head. Whenever I think of this place I will always remember these things. Sad, horrible and cruel things. Things that people and the rest of the world turn a blind eye too. Things that the government here should be trying to fix. I could go on about this for hours, maybe another time when I am in a more stable frame of mind, and not to prejudice. But seeing things like this in the real world would be a true horror. Here. You kind of learn to deal with it. Its not good enough.
So I am still worried about returning to the real world. People care about such petty things back there. And are ruled by schedules and boundaries, something that we dont really have here.
Next week should be a very interesting and emotional one.
Will keep you posted.
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