Reflection.

I sit here, all alone on a saturday night; something that is unheard of in the real world, and feel oddly content with myself. All of my friends are in Darwin, partying, and I have chosen to stay home to save money - also another unusual occurance. I think this is mostly due to the fact that I am ready to go home. I think I am afraid that if I have too much of good time I might want to stay. Ha ha.
At this point I am thankful for the experience I have had here. I have learnt alot of things. I feel older, but look younger and more relaxed. Not so stressed anymore. And my skin is smooth and clear. I like it. I also feel a sort of inner happiness, this being what I am thankful for the most. I just hope that I can hold onto this in the real world and not let things get to me like they used to. I definately think I will come back here oneday, or somewhere similar anyway. I like the culture, and the respect that the Indigenous have for their culture. In saying this, from what I have seen in my travels, the Indigenous here are more lazy than else where, and their culture seems to be fading. Its really sad. In all honesty I think alot of it comes down to the government. This particular community is just like it has been dumped out in the middle of no where, where no would discover it or how it is. Very sad.
I watched a documentary today on the Indigenous channel, that we only have in the Northern Territory (no where else in Australia, which I think is so stupid that its not everywhere else in the country), however it was a documentary on a small community called Numbulwar. It looked so nice! Nothing compared to here. There was no rubbish, the dogs were contained and the people were clean and had alot of respect and culture. And this community was even more isolated than here. I will most definatley visit it oneday. I just dont understand how this place went so wrong. And as much as I want to leave, I also want go stay and try and make it a better place. I have family here now, and it is sad to know that you may never see them again, or that they may come up against some sort of abuse or violence.
Over the last couple of weeks, as I have written, I have decided that I am going back to the real in December. This is something that I feel a strong need to do. There is a bond there that I am not ready to give away. Things that I need to see how and where they will go. And from what I have learnt about myself up here, I know that I need to do this or I will regret it for the rest of my life if I dont. I have always believed that more than anything you need to do what makes you happy, no matter what it is, or when it comes about. Because if you die tomorrow you will regret holding back. So I will do what I need to do to make me happy. I dont care about my career. And I dont care about money. Because that is not what is going to make me happy right now. However, this certain person most definatly is.
In saying all of this, I have also had some clarity about what it is that I want to do in my life. Maybe I should put it all down to the incredible amounts of thinking time that I have had out here. So, back to uni it does look like. And I am thinking of doing sustainability. If there is one thing I have learnt about myself it is that there is no way a will be able to sit in an office all day for the rest of my life. So something out doors it is, quite possibly with a bit of cultural studies thrown in there as well.
At this very moment however, I do feel like my life is standing still. I am basically in waiting. Just waiting for the next month to go by so I can go home. And I know this absolutely contradicts everything I just said about doing what makes you happy, but I must see my time through here. It is just what I feel like I need to do, for some unknown reason. I have certainly thought about leaving earlier, but I just cant right now.
So these experiences I will carry with me wherever I go, through the rest of my life. I have changed for the better - as I see it anyway. Maybe a bit of the Outback is what everyone needs.