Well hello again square one. You werent gone for too long. I'm feeling like I have only just arrived here again. Three of my closest mates have left for good today. And another two go on the weekend. All my time spend puting any sort of energy into friendships has all been wasted. I know other people here but I am not so close with them. It is going to take alot of hard work to even get into a circle around here. I suppose that is just the way it is. People come and go so fricken often you just have to accept it.
Today I am also learning another important community lesson, that is - never trust anyone. EVER. No matter how nice they are or however close you think they may be, they will have an allegiance somewhere else. I learnt this the hard way. The gossip mill here is ridiculous. You cant just be happy and friends with everyone because people have nothing better to do they feel the need to spread shit about you, or someone else for that matter. So because of this I will be spending quite a bit of time alone in the future. Fuck the social life. I will just keep my head down and save my coin so I can go the fuck home. These fuckers dont deserve my friendship, Ive already learnt that they will be useless mates so Fuck them.
All the ladies I am working with today are Indigenous. Not that I particularly care, but it sucks when they dont make converstaion with you. Its just their way. Incredibly shy. So I feel like a wank most of the day trying to make meaningless converstaion. Most of my day has consisted of sitting in my smoke cage playing fucking Tiny Wings til I get a customer.
My brother arrives this Saturday so hopefully that will make things a little bit more interesting. And my 6 bottles of wine arrive as well. Sure to make things alot better. By the end of the weekend I'll be lucky if i have a bottle left. I can understand why alcohol is regulated so much here. It can be such a fucked place to live in, and I know for sure that if I could drink every night I WOULD. The stress is too intense. And its not even propper stress. My job is easy for fuck sake. Ive got nothing to actually stress about. No responsibility. No expences. But I think its just to loneliness. And homesickness. And lack of things to do. Or friends to make. I think that is where the stress comes from. If you dont own a 4WD or a boat here your fucked. There is nothing for you to do. Or purpose for you being here. And I own neither of those two things. So for me to have a remotely interesting life here I have to constantly try to get invites from people. Fricken tiring thats for sure.
Well I have just put a 6 pack of Carlton Mid tinnies of my brother's into the fridge. He doesnt know it yet but I will be buying them off him and drinking them tonight. Sad really that I spend all my time here thinking of alcohol, how much I miss it, or when the next shipment is coming or when I have to order. They wonder why people have issues.
Anyways. I must get myself back to work and leave in enough time for me to choof down as many durries as possible to make it all seem a tiny bit better.
Bobo.
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