Since my last post, I have booked my flights home for Christmas. I thought this would be a good thing, however it is much the opposite. There is nothing more that I want than to be home. I just cant let go of it. Its as if I am imprisoned here, serving a sentance. The thing I am trying for most is not to hold onto a dream. It is something that I want so much in the world but I am worried that if I put too much energy into it, it will not turn out how I want it to.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But I am worried that maybe it just grows fonder because there isnt much else going on or that it is all an illusion. I dont know how or what to say. I dont know if I should say how I feel. I dont want to ruin things. But it is so dearly where I want to be. I dont know why and I thought I'd be ok up here. But I'm not. I didnt think home would have meant so much to me and that I would have wanted it back so badly.
I'm hoping seeing you will make it all better. And I hope you know that its the thing that I want most.
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