I sit here. Its 1:30am. I am in the middle of the Outback. In the Northern Territory. Not many people get to see what it is like here. I am lucky. And grateful for this experience.
Earlier today I made the decision to go home a week early. Reason being for a job interview. Sounds all good, pure and lucky. But it is scaring me out of my brain.
I leave in 6 days.
I leave this world behind, possibly to never see it again. The people I have met will soon be a distant memory and no longer the people I talk to everyday. Everything I have here will be gone. In saying that I am very happy to go home. But nervous.
When I arrive home, the first thing I have to do when I get off the plane is go to my interview. Picture this. I havent worn enclosed shoes for the last 4 months, havent brushed my hair - I have a dreadlock in the middle of it, and I dont even have any business looking clothes here. So god knows what I am going to do. And on top of that I'm worried how my personal things are going to go. What if I just want to be a vagabond and just travel around for ever because this is what the lifestyle up here has instilled in me. What if I cant handle the real world anymore??
It is haunting me.
Adding to the speak of haunting, I was drinking with a friend of mine tonight, and we got into the discussion of the Underbelly of this community. The stories she told me will haunt me for many years to come.
I warn you this next part will be explicit, but I do however feel that I need to mention it so that I can give an accurate description of the horror I have encountered tonight, and the the picture it paints for the rest of the community.
My friend informs me that certain children in their classes are classed as "high risk" meaning they are basically in danger of sexual interference in their living situation, or suicide. She continues to inform me that she had been having problems with a boy, acting out against other class mates and basically causing a stir for a while, she reports it to the school counsellor. Who decides not to present any information, the teacher continues battling with this child, basically fighting against him to teach him. It turns out now, over a year later, that this child - 6 years old, had been raped for 3 days by a group of 6 boys who had held him hostage within a house in this community. The parents never looked for this child. They never cared that he wasnt there. It took for a teacher to cause a stir that the boy was missing.
The thing that upsets me the most, is that he may have been able to have an enjoyable experience at school if the teacher had known what was going on/had gone on. He has suffered being bullied as a "poofter" by the other students. There are no psychologist here. No one to help with the mental issues this child might be suffering. If there was, maybe one more suicide could be prevented, maybe by that information passed along, another one could be too.
There were many other stories I heard tonight. All of them a firm picture stuck in my head. Whenever I think of this place I will always remember these things. Sad, horrible and cruel things. Things that people and the rest of the world turn a blind eye too. Things that the government here should be trying to fix. I could go on about this for hours, maybe another time when I am in a more stable frame of mind, and not to prejudice. But seeing things like this in the real world would be a true horror. Here. You kind of learn to deal with it. Its not good enough.
So I am still worried about returning to the real world. People care about such petty things back there. And are ruled by schedules and boundaries, something that we dont really have here.
Next week should be a very interesting and emotional one.
Will keep you posted.
Friday, 25 November 2011
Monday, 21 November 2011
The Wet.
It has finally broken. I hope.
It seems the wet has begun. I sit outside. I hear thunder rumbling in the distance and a complete stillness all around. The sky is grey. And everything is quiet. The rain came, although it didnt last too long. And the place seems so clean after the rain. Everything fresh and green.
I have heard stories that so epic thunderstorms happen here. Wicked bolts of lightening and never heard before cracks of thunder. The rain can get that hard, that you cant see your neighbours house. I havent seen this yet. All of the storms have passed us by. And the rain has been minimal.
I hope this picks up before I leave. It has 19 days to fully begin. I want to see it.
Seeing the dark clouds in the sky and feeling the stillness all around gives such a feeling of anticipation. Waiting for something big to happen.
And waiting.
It seems the wet has begun. I sit outside. I hear thunder rumbling in the distance and a complete stillness all around. The sky is grey. And everything is quiet. The rain came, although it didnt last too long. And the place seems so clean after the rain. Everything fresh and green.
I have heard stories that so epic thunderstorms happen here. Wicked bolts of lightening and never heard before cracks of thunder. The rain can get that hard, that you cant see your neighbours house. I havent seen this yet. All of the storms have passed us by. And the rain has been minimal.
I hope this picks up before I leave. It has 19 days to fully begin. I want to see it.
Seeing the dark clouds in the sky and feeling the stillness all around gives such a feeling of anticipation. Waiting for something big to happen.
And waiting.
Friday, 18 November 2011
Blank
Things seem to have come to a halt. I have totally no inspiration for this place anymore. My mood is constantly flat. My face sunken and sad. I dont want to be around anyone. The only reason I want to go to work is because the sooner I get there the sooner it is all over.
I do not feel like myself anymore. I dont listen to music, I dont make conversation, I dont try to build friendships. I have never felt further from being my real self.
Thinking of home is consuming every second of my days. I feel as soon as I get there I feel I will just come rushing back into myself. At least I hope so. What worries me is that I will never be the same again. That my personality has disappeared, lost in the nothingness of the outback.
Usually the Indigenous pick my spirits up. But lately they are just driving me mental. Their complete lack of culture is starting to do my head in. They are just so lazy. You can see their culture fading away right before your eyes. Its quite sad. This is meant to be the oldest living culture on the planet. And yet they have become so useless that they cant even pass their culture onto their children. So dependant on what the white man says. Yet so defiant to not credit the white man for anything. And too damn lazy to help themselves. This culture can still be saved. But it wont be. I will come back here in 50 years and the place will still be the same. Completely stuck in a time warp of their own stupidity.
I am not sure if it is the weather but people seem to be becoming ruder. A number of times this week, member of my staff were accused of racism. To me it seems like the typical accusation. Because no one will step up and fight it. As soon as the "R" word is mentioned, everyone steps down. And they know it.
I hate the fact this place has made me so sour. So cranky and depressed. It is obviously time for me to leave. The fact that its made me feel this way makes me hate it even more. Turning out to be a very vicious circle.
I became aware of the dark underbelly of this place today. Everyone knows what goes on here, but not everyone gets to see it. Things I was told, in regards to abuse - sexual, verbal, physical and mental have haunted me for the rest of my day. Things I have heard are things that people would be jailed for in the real world. And yet as per usual people here get away with it. People turn a blind eye. I do it too. What is anyone going to do? I saw a dog the other day dragging both of its back legs behind it because they were crushed. And what did I do? Nothing. Because what can you do? Nothing will be done. Some one got attacked by a dog the other day. What got done? Nothing. A girl is pregnant at 11. Who says anything? No one. Because no one will do anything. The stuff these children are brought up seeing is nothing that you could ever in your wildest dreams imagine. Things you never thought people would do to each other. And we all know it goes on. But you just put your head down and get on with your business. It can be quite a moral battle here.
If you saw a goose tied up to a tree, by a piece of rope around its neck, what would you do? Generally either call the RSPCA or go cut it free. Well here there is no RSPCA. And if you cut it free you would most likely be speared and ran out of town. Because that shit is their dinner and its going to die anyway.
I suppose in my moment of utter depression I have been able to depict an accurate picture of this place. Even though it is just a glimpse. I find it hard to try and describe what it is like here. Because its hard to paint a picture using words. Maybe seeing this will have hardened me for life, mad me stronger. Who knows. But I can see why people dont last long here, considering it is basically against any white person's mainstream morals.
However that is how it goes. Round and Round the vicious circle. And what am I going to do about it? Nothing.
I do not feel like myself anymore. I dont listen to music, I dont make conversation, I dont try to build friendships. I have never felt further from being my real self.
Thinking of home is consuming every second of my days. I feel as soon as I get there I feel I will just come rushing back into myself. At least I hope so. What worries me is that I will never be the same again. That my personality has disappeared, lost in the nothingness of the outback.
Usually the Indigenous pick my spirits up. But lately they are just driving me mental. Their complete lack of culture is starting to do my head in. They are just so lazy. You can see their culture fading away right before your eyes. Its quite sad. This is meant to be the oldest living culture on the planet. And yet they have become so useless that they cant even pass their culture onto their children. So dependant on what the white man says. Yet so defiant to not credit the white man for anything. And too damn lazy to help themselves. This culture can still be saved. But it wont be. I will come back here in 50 years and the place will still be the same. Completely stuck in a time warp of their own stupidity.
I am not sure if it is the weather but people seem to be becoming ruder. A number of times this week, member of my staff were accused of racism. To me it seems like the typical accusation. Because no one will step up and fight it. As soon as the "R" word is mentioned, everyone steps down. And they know it.
I hate the fact this place has made me so sour. So cranky and depressed. It is obviously time for me to leave. The fact that its made me feel this way makes me hate it even more. Turning out to be a very vicious circle.
I became aware of the dark underbelly of this place today. Everyone knows what goes on here, but not everyone gets to see it. Things I was told, in regards to abuse - sexual, verbal, physical and mental have haunted me for the rest of my day. Things I have heard are things that people would be jailed for in the real world. And yet as per usual people here get away with it. People turn a blind eye. I do it too. What is anyone going to do? I saw a dog the other day dragging both of its back legs behind it because they were crushed. And what did I do? Nothing. Because what can you do? Nothing will be done. Some one got attacked by a dog the other day. What got done? Nothing. A girl is pregnant at 11. Who says anything? No one. Because no one will do anything. The stuff these children are brought up seeing is nothing that you could ever in your wildest dreams imagine. Things you never thought people would do to each other. And we all know it goes on. But you just put your head down and get on with your business. It can be quite a moral battle here.
If you saw a goose tied up to a tree, by a piece of rope around its neck, what would you do? Generally either call the RSPCA or go cut it free. Well here there is no RSPCA. And if you cut it free you would most likely be speared and ran out of town. Because that shit is their dinner and its going to die anyway.
I suppose in my moment of utter depression I have been able to depict an accurate picture of this place. Even though it is just a glimpse. I find it hard to try and describe what it is like here. Because its hard to paint a picture using words. Maybe seeing this will have hardened me for life, mad me stronger. Who knows. But I can see why people dont last long here, considering it is basically against any white person's mainstream morals.
However that is how it goes. Round and Round the vicious circle. And what am I going to do about it? Nothing.
My Letter
Dear Future Danielle.
I am writing this so in future you can read this and remember all the things you learnt in this period of your life.
I want you to remember to make the most of everyday. Do not make excuses. Do whatever you can to make you feel like you really enjoyed your day.
Do not let people get inside your head. Your instict is always right, and you always regret not following it - so get your shit together.
People who say evil things or do things to make others happy, are actually unhappy with themselves. Try not to hate them (that just gives you wrinkles) just feel sorry for them. Thats their problem not yours.
Remember to always love. Take the opportunity. Even if its just a fling, or a whim. Enjoy things and fall in love. You could be dead tomorrow after all.
As much as it goes against every moral of yours, try not to stick up for people so much; especially the ones you barely know. This just gets you into trouble. Try and think a bit more of yourself and your own happiness, other people's happiness is their own decission. There are people out there who have absolutely nothing, and are some of the joyous people in the world.
It cant never be as bad as it seems. There is always a time when you will be past this. When this exact moment will seem so far in the past that you will wonder why you were so worried about it all in the first place.
You will always know who your friends are, and the people that love you will always be there for you. Just remember to be there for them too.
But most of all, be yourself, no matter what anyone else says. Even if it is your loved one (unless you are doing something completely stupid and drastically wrong). But doing what you do, makes you who you are. Dont change for anybody. Think back to this moment and remember how peaceful you felt. And the things that this place made you feel.
Hoping this helps you find the inspiration that you need.
Love, Past Danielle - currently moving on from things.
I am writing this so in future you can read this and remember all the things you learnt in this period of your life.
I want you to remember to make the most of everyday. Do not make excuses. Do whatever you can to make you feel like you really enjoyed your day.
Do not let people get inside your head. Your instict is always right, and you always regret not following it - so get your shit together.
People who say evil things or do things to make others happy, are actually unhappy with themselves. Try not to hate them (that just gives you wrinkles) just feel sorry for them. Thats their problem not yours.
Remember to always love. Take the opportunity. Even if its just a fling, or a whim. Enjoy things and fall in love. You could be dead tomorrow after all.
As much as it goes against every moral of yours, try not to stick up for people so much; especially the ones you barely know. This just gets you into trouble. Try and think a bit more of yourself and your own happiness, other people's happiness is their own decission. There are people out there who have absolutely nothing, and are some of the joyous people in the world.
It cant never be as bad as it seems. There is always a time when you will be past this. When this exact moment will seem so far in the past that you will wonder why you were so worried about it all in the first place.
You will always know who your friends are, and the people that love you will always be there for you. Just remember to be there for them too.
But most of all, be yourself, no matter what anyone else says. Even if it is your loved one (unless you are doing something completely stupid and drastically wrong). But doing what you do, makes you who you are. Dont change for anybody. Think back to this moment and remember how peaceful you felt. And the things that this place made you feel.
Hoping this helps you find the inspiration that you need.
Love, Past Danielle - currently moving on from things.
Saturday, 12 November 2011
Week 13
It has been quite an interesting week this one. My manager has taken to teaching me her job. I cant help but get the feel that it is a ploy to try and make me stay. I have told her that I am most likely not returning after Christmas, but she has still insisted. So it has been good actually challenging my brain for a bit.
I have lost another friend this week. Im not sure if this place just turns people against each other or what, but I am over the pettiness.
I am feeling quite good again. My fears of returning home have been subdued and Im back to being totally excited. My hair was to be dreaded today but I decided to nap instead. Maybe tomorrow.
I, for some unknown reason, passed up the chance to hunt tonight. Im kicking myself now though. But ah well it obvioulsy wasnt meant to happen.
I have nearly been attacked by dogs twice in the last three days. I cant understand it considering I have walked past these dogs at least four times a day for the last 3 months, and now they decide to go at me! I actually got saved by a local fellow the other night. He came back and scared the dog away from me. It was a suprise, because they arent the most giving of people, especially to white folk. All I remember is saying thankyou and running off down the road without a look back.
There has been a little bit of commotion in the community this week. I will not be suprised if it all comes to a head soon and theres a big fight. Firstly my store is closed on Monday (for an uncertain amount of time) due to a community meeting - for locals only.
The reason being that two of the family members of the land owner have been at war basically for the last 2 months. So they are hoping to sort it out. I think it will be quite interesting how this ends.
Secondly a friend of mine was in the store the other day (a local lady) and I wa chatting with her mother, who was ill and jokingly saying that she was dying. I decided to joke with her saying she was too young to die etc; it was laughs all around, they left my store with a smile on their face. Her brother died that night. I could not believe it. I felt like a total bitch. But this also means a big funeral for the community - which hopefully means a smoking of our store (hopefully I will finally get to see one!!).
Then also, our wet is trying to start. We had rain 2 nights last week, but its just not getting the ball rolling. And I think this is puting everyone a little bit one edge. Its like everyone is all on edge, we all know its coming, we just dont know when. But I hope it hurries up. I think it will relieve a bit of community tension.
It is a grog handout night tonight. I have opted to stay home and watch movies alone. Im a bit over wasting my only day off with an extreme hangover - I drank last night ha ha. Plus I also want to go fishing tomorrow and work on my tan a little bit before I get back home.
I am in quite a weird place right now. I am super excited to go back to the real world, but I just cant see me being happy working back there. I have actually searched for jobs in communities in Queensland. It hasnt proven very successful so far. Communities are hard to get into unless you either know someone there or just show up and hope to find work. There is usually work, but it just isnt advertised in any way. I have applied for a job on Badu Island which is an Island right at the very top of Queensland in the Torres Straight. It looks amazing. A tropical island, but with the same facilities as here. It also looks quite the same size. So I would love to check it out. And I totally dont have any problem going alone. Now that I have checked it out, out here I know what to expect of community life now. So we will see how that goes. I most definately think that there is no way I am going to be able to stay put in the real world. I will not like the restrictions that is has.
I read a facebook status of a friend today, about him wearing no shoes into McDonalds and how he felt like a bum. I just chuckled to myself self and thought, geez its lucky if I wear shoes to work. Let alone McDonalds.
I have also learnt this week that the soil here carries a disease called "Melioidosis". Apparently its an epidemic in this part of the country. But basically when the wet comes because the downfalls are so intense, the disease is stirred up and can be caught from mud, dirt and water. Similar symptoms to tuberculosis and apparently it can make your limbs fall off. I have been here nearly 3 months and this is the first I have heard of this. I really feel that it would be imperitive for a handbook to be written and given to anyone who flies into the community. People who get jobs here and get flown in have no idea what they are coming into. They dont know about the dogs, the sacred sights, the requirements on clothing etc. Im just lucky that I had my mum here who knew alot before I came. Its very interesting, and probably not suprising that most people dont stay long here - some people came in 2 weeks ago to run the fast food shop and lasted 4 days and then left. So maybe if people had more awareness of the place, they either wouldnt come, or would be more sure of what they are getting themselves into before they got here. But it will take a long time before anything will even make a slight change around here. I see so much around me that is just corrupt, or wrong, and you can see how to make it better, but its just now possible, either because people wont aid and support the change, or the ones that are already ruining the system cant be removed. It makes me mad. I definatly know that there are no quick fixes. But there are for sure a few things here that could be made a whole lot better straight away.
But like everything else, this place will progress. It may just take a bit longer than the rest of the world.
I have lost another friend this week. Im not sure if this place just turns people against each other or what, but I am over the pettiness.
I am feeling quite good again. My fears of returning home have been subdued and Im back to being totally excited. My hair was to be dreaded today but I decided to nap instead. Maybe tomorrow.
I, for some unknown reason, passed up the chance to hunt tonight. Im kicking myself now though. But ah well it obvioulsy wasnt meant to happen.
I have nearly been attacked by dogs twice in the last three days. I cant understand it considering I have walked past these dogs at least four times a day for the last 3 months, and now they decide to go at me! I actually got saved by a local fellow the other night. He came back and scared the dog away from me. It was a suprise, because they arent the most giving of people, especially to white folk. All I remember is saying thankyou and running off down the road without a look back.
There has been a little bit of commotion in the community this week. I will not be suprised if it all comes to a head soon and theres a big fight. Firstly my store is closed on Monday (for an uncertain amount of time) due to a community meeting - for locals only.
The reason being that two of the family members of the land owner have been at war basically for the last 2 months. So they are hoping to sort it out. I think it will be quite interesting how this ends.
Secondly a friend of mine was in the store the other day (a local lady) and I wa chatting with her mother, who was ill and jokingly saying that she was dying. I decided to joke with her saying she was too young to die etc; it was laughs all around, they left my store with a smile on their face. Her brother died that night. I could not believe it. I felt like a total bitch. But this also means a big funeral for the community - which hopefully means a smoking of our store (hopefully I will finally get to see one!!).
Then also, our wet is trying to start. We had rain 2 nights last week, but its just not getting the ball rolling. And I think this is puting everyone a little bit one edge. Its like everyone is all on edge, we all know its coming, we just dont know when. But I hope it hurries up. I think it will relieve a bit of community tension.
It is a grog handout night tonight. I have opted to stay home and watch movies alone. Im a bit over wasting my only day off with an extreme hangover - I drank last night ha ha. Plus I also want to go fishing tomorrow and work on my tan a little bit before I get back home.
I am in quite a weird place right now. I am super excited to go back to the real world, but I just cant see me being happy working back there. I have actually searched for jobs in communities in Queensland. It hasnt proven very successful so far. Communities are hard to get into unless you either know someone there or just show up and hope to find work. There is usually work, but it just isnt advertised in any way. I have applied for a job on Badu Island which is an Island right at the very top of Queensland in the Torres Straight. It looks amazing. A tropical island, but with the same facilities as here. It also looks quite the same size. So I would love to check it out. And I totally dont have any problem going alone. Now that I have checked it out, out here I know what to expect of community life now. So we will see how that goes. I most definately think that there is no way I am going to be able to stay put in the real world. I will not like the restrictions that is has.
I read a facebook status of a friend today, about him wearing no shoes into McDonalds and how he felt like a bum. I just chuckled to myself self and thought, geez its lucky if I wear shoes to work. Let alone McDonalds.
I have also learnt this week that the soil here carries a disease called "Melioidosis". Apparently its an epidemic in this part of the country. But basically when the wet comes because the downfalls are so intense, the disease is stirred up and can be caught from mud, dirt and water. Similar symptoms to tuberculosis and apparently it can make your limbs fall off. I have been here nearly 3 months and this is the first I have heard of this. I really feel that it would be imperitive for a handbook to be written and given to anyone who flies into the community. People who get jobs here and get flown in have no idea what they are coming into. They dont know about the dogs, the sacred sights, the requirements on clothing etc. Im just lucky that I had my mum here who knew alot before I came. Its very interesting, and probably not suprising that most people dont stay long here - some people came in 2 weeks ago to run the fast food shop and lasted 4 days and then left. So maybe if people had more awareness of the place, they either wouldnt come, or would be more sure of what they are getting themselves into before they got here. But it will take a long time before anything will even make a slight change around here. I see so much around me that is just corrupt, or wrong, and you can see how to make it better, but its just now possible, either because people wont aid and support the change, or the ones that are already ruining the system cant be removed. It makes me mad. I definatly know that there are no quick fixes. But there are for sure a few things here that could be made a whole lot better straight away.
But like everything else, this place will progress. It may just take a bit longer than the rest of the world.
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011.
Good writing only comes from strong emotion. Lust, Depression, Happiness, Loneliness. Sometimes it might be disturbing, but its true. It is how the best art is born. Somehow puting my feelings into text is calming and helps me see things from a different perspective. I think this is why I write most often when I am depressed and lonely. Which is unfortunate. But thats how it is.
I dont know if I am losing my mind or if its just a momentary thing but this place is depressing me. I just want to cry. I dont even want to go home. I just want to be alone, somewhere, but in the real world. I admit I have been feeling crappy for most of the afternoon. But a certain event has tipped me over the edge. The last few weeks I have been extremely happy. I was so excited at the prospect of heading home and being with the person I love the most. But it doesnt seem that it will end up that way. In fact I will be suprised if it does. I cant blame it all on one event. Theres a huge chance that it has something to do with my "cabin fever", loneliness, isolation. Maybe I was just ultra sensitive today. I just feel like things arent going to turn out how I want them to be. And I feel like my feelings wont be reciprocated how I've been assured they will. I was just that one event that made me lose all faith. It made me feel that I would just be dumped in a heartbeat for something better, just like the old days. There is no way that I have spent this time up here just to go back to the way things were. To not really make any life progression at all. My head is starting to tell me this might be the wrong choice to make and more and more I feel the pull to move away and start over. Get my things together and finally do something for myself. Im not doing anything for anyone anymore. Im feeling that I will do and be whatever I want from now on, and whoever wants to jump on the bandwagon can do so.
People arent going to control my feelings anymore. The ultimate freedom is what we all need to find. And Im going to start by finishing my dreads. Fuck what everyone else thinks. I dont care care how short I have to cut my hair to get rid of them. Its my choice and I dont care if you dont like it :)
And Im thinking a roadtrip might just be what I need....
I dont know if I am losing my mind or if its just a momentary thing but this place is depressing me. I just want to cry. I dont even want to go home. I just want to be alone, somewhere, but in the real world. I admit I have been feeling crappy for most of the afternoon. But a certain event has tipped me over the edge. The last few weeks I have been extremely happy. I was so excited at the prospect of heading home and being with the person I love the most. But it doesnt seem that it will end up that way. In fact I will be suprised if it does. I cant blame it all on one event. Theres a huge chance that it has something to do with my "cabin fever", loneliness, isolation. Maybe I was just ultra sensitive today. I just feel like things arent going to turn out how I want them to be. And I feel like my feelings wont be reciprocated how I've been assured they will. I was just that one event that made me lose all faith. It made me feel that I would just be dumped in a heartbeat for something better, just like the old days. There is no way that I have spent this time up here just to go back to the way things were. To not really make any life progression at all. My head is starting to tell me this might be the wrong choice to make and more and more I feel the pull to move away and start over. Get my things together and finally do something for myself. Im not doing anything for anyone anymore. Im feeling that I will do and be whatever I want from now on, and whoever wants to jump on the bandwagon can do so.
People arent going to control my feelings anymore. The ultimate freedom is what we all need to find. And Im going to start by finishing my dreads. Fuck what everyone else thinks. I dont care care how short I have to cut my hair to get rid of them. Its my choice and I dont care if you dont like it :)
And Im thinking a roadtrip might just be what I need....
Saturday, 5 November 2011
When I grow up....
I wrote this post about a month ago and had never finished it. So I am deciding to post it now, Sorry that it is a bit out of order.
During on of my many periods of daydreaming yesterday I realised something that made me quite envious of the locals here. I was dreaming about where I would end up in my life, what I would end up choosing/where I would end up living etc. And this topic always distresses me. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm getting to the stage where I am grown up I still dont know what I want to be.
I then realised that the people here have no pressure on them for these sorts of things. They have no aspirations of any change, or to accomplish anything that is even considered a minor achievement in the white man's world. When it dawned on me it was quite interesting. Now dont get me wrong, there are Indigenous people here who do work, and who enjoy it alot. But in our community I reckon the percentage of workers would be about 10% of the population.
I became quite jealous. It is nothing for my girls to go home at lunchtime and not come back to work simply because they dont feel like it. And it is accepted by my bosses. Thats just how it is. It is expected that the white people work the hours they should. To give you an insight: one of my girls might bugger off to another community for a couple of months maybe even years, when she returns she will walk right back into her job no questions asked. But if I buggered off for a couple of days/weeks without notice I would loose my job. Basically no one ever get fired up here unless they get caught stealing.
I was thinking today, that this place is fairly awesome. My house is about 150m from the beach. When I walk to the end of my street I can see the beach. When I walk out the front door of my work, I can see the ocean. I can walk down to the beach at anytime and see a crocodile sunning itself on the sand. The people here have a great opportunity to an awesome life. They get free housing. And the government pays them to have children/look for work. So they all do nothing most days and get paid for it. They have opportunity to fish, hunt, swim, go bush and see animals that you never get to see anywhere else.
So there are all these opportunites sitting on our door step. Some of the best fishing in Australia is here, along with some of the best beaches. And these people have access to even more places, that I dont, that are alot better than anything I've seen up here.
So these people need to take care of and make the most of what they have got before it is gone. The indigenous blame the white man for alot things. But its not the white people who find it acceptable to litter and It is not the white people who dump their belongings on the beach front. This place is beautiful, but it is sad what is happening to it. And its sadder to think that these people arent making the most of what they've got.
One of my friends said to me oneday "if you were getting $70k a year in royalties, dont you think you would buy an awesome boat and be out fishing every day or hunting, just living the dream? Not just sitting around watering your dirt allday?" And its totally true (yes for some reason they just sit in the same spot for hours and water the same patch of dirt over and over). But alot of them do have an opportunity to a good life. I suppose they just dont want it. I dont really know.
During on of my many periods of daydreaming yesterday I realised something that made me quite envious of the locals here. I was dreaming about where I would end up in my life, what I would end up choosing/where I would end up living etc. And this topic always distresses me. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm getting to the stage where I am grown up I still dont know what I want to be.
I then realised that the people here have no pressure on them for these sorts of things. They have no aspirations of any change, or to accomplish anything that is even considered a minor achievement in the white man's world. When it dawned on me it was quite interesting. Now dont get me wrong, there are Indigenous people here who do work, and who enjoy it alot. But in our community I reckon the percentage of workers would be about 10% of the population.
I became quite jealous. It is nothing for my girls to go home at lunchtime and not come back to work simply because they dont feel like it. And it is accepted by my bosses. Thats just how it is. It is expected that the white people work the hours they should. To give you an insight: one of my girls might bugger off to another community for a couple of months maybe even years, when she returns she will walk right back into her job no questions asked. But if I buggered off for a couple of days/weeks without notice I would loose my job. Basically no one ever get fired up here unless they get caught stealing.
I was thinking today, that this place is fairly awesome. My house is about 150m from the beach. When I walk to the end of my street I can see the beach. When I walk out the front door of my work, I can see the ocean. I can walk down to the beach at anytime and see a crocodile sunning itself on the sand. The people here have a great opportunity to an awesome life. They get free housing. And the government pays them to have children/look for work. So they all do nothing most days and get paid for it. They have opportunity to fish, hunt, swim, go bush and see animals that you never get to see anywhere else.
So there are all these opportunites sitting on our door step. Some of the best fishing in Australia is here, along with some of the best beaches. And these people have access to even more places, that I dont, that are alot better than anything I've seen up here.
So these people need to take care of and make the most of what they have got before it is gone. The indigenous blame the white man for alot things. But its not the white people who find it acceptable to litter and It is not the white people who dump their belongings on the beach front. This place is beautiful, but it is sad what is happening to it. And its sadder to think that these people arent making the most of what they've got.
One of my friends said to me oneday "if you were getting $70k a year in royalties, dont you think you would buy an awesome boat and be out fishing every day or hunting, just living the dream? Not just sitting around watering your dirt allday?" And its totally true (yes for some reason they just sit in the same spot for hours and water the same patch of dirt over and over). But alot of them do have an opportunity to a good life. I suppose they just dont want it. I dont really know.
Reflection.
I sit here, all alone on a saturday night; something that is unheard of in the real world, and feel oddly content with myself. All of my friends are in Darwin, partying, and I have chosen to stay home to save money - also another unusual occurance. I think this is mostly due to the fact that I am ready to go home. I think I am afraid that if I have too much of good time I might want to stay. Ha ha.
At this point I am thankful for the experience I have had here. I have learnt alot of things. I feel older, but look younger and more relaxed. Not so stressed anymore. And my skin is smooth and clear. I like it. I also feel a sort of inner happiness, this being what I am thankful for the most. I just hope that I can hold onto this in the real world and not let things get to me like they used to. I definately think I will come back here oneday, or somewhere similar anyway. I like the culture, and the respect that the Indigenous have for their culture. In saying this, from what I have seen in my travels, the Indigenous here are more lazy than else where, and their culture seems to be fading. Its really sad. In all honesty I think alot of it comes down to the government. This particular community is just like it has been dumped out in the middle of no where, where no would discover it or how it is. Very sad.
I watched a documentary today on the Indigenous channel, that we only have in the Northern Territory (no where else in Australia, which I think is so stupid that its not everywhere else in the country), however it was a documentary on a small community called Numbulwar. It looked so nice! Nothing compared to here. There was no rubbish, the dogs were contained and the people were clean and had alot of respect and culture. And this community was even more isolated than here. I will most definatley visit it oneday. I just dont understand how this place went so wrong. And as much as I want to leave, I also want go stay and try and make it a better place. I have family here now, and it is sad to know that you may never see them again, or that they may come up against some sort of abuse or violence.
Over the last couple of weeks, as I have written, I have decided that I am going back to the real in December. This is something that I feel a strong need to do. There is a bond there that I am not ready to give away. Things that I need to see how and where they will go. And from what I have learnt about myself up here, I know that I need to do this or I will regret it for the rest of my life if I dont. I have always believed that more than anything you need to do what makes you happy, no matter what it is, or when it comes about. Because if you die tomorrow you will regret holding back. So I will do what I need to do to make me happy. I dont care about my career. And I dont care about money. Because that is not what is going to make me happy right now. However, this certain person most definatly is.
In saying all of this, I have also had some clarity about what it is that I want to do in my life. Maybe I should put it all down to the incredible amounts of thinking time that I have had out here. So, back to uni it does look like. And I am thinking of doing sustainability. If there is one thing I have learnt about myself it is that there is no way a will be able to sit in an office all day for the rest of my life. So something out doors it is, quite possibly with a bit of cultural studies thrown in there as well.
At this very moment however, I do feel like my life is standing still. I am basically in waiting. Just waiting for the next month to go by so I can go home. And I know this absolutely contradicts everything I just said about doing what makes you happy, but I must see my time through here. It is just what I feel like I need to do, for some unknown reason. I have certainly thought about leaving earlier, but I just cant right now.
So these experiences I will carry with me wherever I go, through the rest of my life. I have changed for the better - as I see it anyway. Maybe a bit of the Outback is what everyone needs.
At this point I am thankful for the experience I have had here. I have learnt alot of things. I feel older, but look younger and more relaxed. Not so stressed anymore. And my skin is smooth and clear. I like it. I also feel a sort of inner happiness, this being what I am thankful for the most. I just hope that I can hold onto this in the real world and not let things get to me like they used to. I definately think I will come back here oneday, or somewhere similar anyway. I like the culture, and the respect that the Indigenous have for their culture. In saying this, from what I have seen in my travels, the Indigenous here are more lazy than else where, and their culture seems to be fading. Its really sad. In all honesty I think alot of it comes down to the government. This particular community is just like it has been dumped out in the middle of no where, where no would discover it or how it is. Very sad.
I watched a documentary today on the Indigenous channel, that we only have in the Northern Territory (no where else in Australia, which I think is so stupid that its not everywhere else in the country), however it was a documentary on a small community called Numbulwar. It looked so nice! Nothing compared to here. There was no rubbish, the dogs were contained and the people were clean and had alot of respect and culture. And this community was even more isolated than here. I will most definatley visit it oneday. I just dont understand how this place went so wrong. And as much as I want to leave, I also want go stay and try and make it a better place. I have family here now, and it is sad to know that you may never see them again, or that they may come up against some sort of abuse or violence.
Over the last couple of weeks, as I have written, I have decided that I am going back to the real in December. This is something that I feel a strong need to do. There is a bond there that I am not ready to give away. Things that I need to see how and where they will go. And from what I have learnt about myself up here, I know that I need to do this or I will regret it for the rest of my life if I dont. I have always believed that more than anything you need to do what makes you happy, no matter what it is, or when it comes about. Because if you die tomorrow you will regret holding back. So I will do what I need to do to make me happy. I dont care about my career. And I dont care about money. Because that is not what is going to make me happy right now. However, this certain person most definatly is.
In saying all of this, I have also had some clarity about what it is that I want to do in my life. Maybe I should put it all down to the incredible amounts of thinking time that I have had out here. So, back to uni it does look like. And I am thinking of doing sustainability. If there is one thing I have learnt about myself it is that there is no way a will be able to sit in an office all day for the rest of my life. So something out doors it is, quite possibly with a bit of cultural studies thrown in there as well.
At this very moment however, I do feel like my life is standing still. I am basically in waiting. Just waiting for the next month to go by so I can go home. And I know this absolutely contradicts everything I just said about doing what makes you happy, but I must see my time through here. It is just what I feel like I need to do, for some unknown reason. I have certainly thought about leaving earlier, but I just cant right now.
So these experiences I will carry with me wherever I go, through the rest of my life. I have changed for the better - as I see it anyway. Maybe a bit of the Outback is what everyone needs.
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Another Grog Handout Day
Ok. So after the recent events of the weekend past, I have decided that I am no longer going to drink while I am up here. I literally dont care if I dont have a life anymore. As I have said many times before, the white people here are a bunch of bastards. Never in my life have a come across such a densely populated area of c**nts. Its like, if you dont fit in, in the real world, come out here because your will fit in with the other bastards out here, you can all live together in harmony.
And when I tend to drink here, I somehow, stir all these bastards up. In my normal day to day, I dont even come across them. But the second I am drinking I get myself into grief.
So as you can tell by the story so far, yes I was drinking. I had decided that I wouldnt drink too much because I am sick of being hungover the next day. So I only drank about 20 beers. Sad. And I was sick. I ended up at a mates place, which turned out to be further out of turn than I expected. I walked through the community in the middle of the night, with no protection, so god knows what I was thinking. When I woke up the next day I had no way of getting home and my house was about 2km away. I was basically in the bush. So I decided to walk to shop closest in hope that I would see someone there that I knew. I was still pretty hammered so it was quite a joyous walk i suppose. I also had no battery on my mobile so I couldnt even call anyone. I got to the shop. Thank god for a couple of boys being there that I knew, and dropped me home. There is absolutley no way I would have made it back through the community without getting attacked by dogs. I cant believe I even contemplated it.
As the day progressed, my drunkeness turned into hungoverness and I was deathly ill - again. And in a whole world of trouble with a bunch of the white people. So with only 39 days till I leave this shit hole, I have decided no more drinking. I will still make use of my permit, I just will be making a profit from now on I think. And to back up my statement from the other day. I think my adventure is definately over here. I am ready to go home, but maybe not to stay. I think the travel bug might have bitten me and I will just travel around for the next few years. I have also started my dread locks which seems to me as a sign that Im not ready to be apart of the real world again, not just yet. Who could know where I end up!
And when I tend to drink here, I somehow, stir all these bastards up. In my normal day to day, I dont even come across them. But the second I am drinking I get myself into grief.
So as you can tell by the story so far, yes I was drinking. I had decided that I wouldnt drink too much because I am sick of being hungover the next day. So I only drank about 20 beers. Sad. And I was sick. I ended up at a mates place, which turned out to be further out of turn than I expected. I walked through the community in the middle of the night, with no protection, so god knows what I was thinking. When I woke up the next day I had no way of getting home and my house was about 2km away. I was basically in the bush. So I decided to walk to shop closest in hope that I would see someone there that I knew. I was still pretty hammered so it was quite a joyous walk i suppose. I also had no battery on my mobile so I couldnt even call anyone. I got to the shop. Thank god for a couple of boys being there that I knew, and dropped me home. There is absolutley no way I would have made it back through the community without getting attacked by dogs. I cant believe I even contemplated it.
As the day progressed, my drunkeness turned into hungoverness and I was deathly ill - again. And in a whole world of trouble with a bunch of the white people. So with only 39 days till I leave this shit hole, I have decided no more drinking. I will still make use of my permit, I just will be making a profit from now on I think. And to back up my statement from the other day. I think my adventure is definately over here. I am ready to go home, but maybe not to stay. I think the travel bug might have bitten me and I will just travel around for the next few years. I have also started my dread locks which seems to me as a sign that Im not ready to be apart of the real world again, not just yet. Who could know where I end up!
Friday, 28 October 2011
Over the Hump.
Ok so I am past the halfway point. I get to go home in six weeks. Things seem to all be going down hill. And by that I mean they are going really quickly. To the point where some of the days are just a blur. I find this to be a good thing. More so than ever do I want to be home. I have pretty much decided that I am not coming back after Christmas. I have my flights booked to come back but I dont think I will. However I am not making anything certain, Im just calling it as I see it.
So things going quickly has put me in quite a good mood lately, nothing has been able to shift it either until today. I had plans to go into Darwin this weekend. It is possibly one of the last weekends that we will be able to drive out of here before the wet cuts the road off, and I was very keen to get my drink on and let off a bit of steam. This all fell through. And because it is so close to the road being cut by the wet, no one else in town is very game to drive it. So here I am stuck. For another boring weekend. It is also grog handout weekend and I am trying to avoid drinking here because of the embarassing amounts that I tend to end up consuming. So as much as I dont want it to, I'm sure my carton of beer will disappear very quickly tomorrow.
I think another reason that contributed to my bad mood/homesickness was something a friend called me today. He called me Lois. Which is what my boys call me back home as a nickname. Now my friend here had totally no idea of this, but when he said it I spun around so fast I swear my head nearly came off. It was like an instant flash back. As I spun around, I was home. It was like slow motion. I even saw my house. And my brain just expected to see my mate behind me. It was epic. But I spun around only to find that I was still here. But it was sweet knowing that my mate up here was just making a joke to cheer me up.
I am truely believing that my adventure here has finished. I have seen what I wanted to, and am just ready to go home. It just the count down now.
Hopefully the next few weeks will fly by.
So things going quickly has put me in quite a good mood lately, nothing has been able to shift it either until today. I had plans to go into Darwin this weekend. It is possibly one of the last weekends that we will be able to drive out of here before the wet cuts the road off, and I was very keen to get my drink on and let off a bit of steam. This all fell through. And because it is so close to the road being cut by the wet, no one else in town is very game to drive it. So here I am stuck. For another boring weekend. It is also grog handout weekend and I am trying to avoid drinking here because of the embarassing amounts that I tend to end up consuming. So as much as I dont want it to, I'm sure my carton of beer will disappear very quickly tomorrow.
I think another reason that contributed to my bad mood/homesickness was something a friend called me today. He called me Lois. Which is what my boys call me back home as a nickname. Now my friend here had totally no idea of this, but when he said it I spun around so fast I swear my head nearly came off. It was like an instant flash back. As I spun around, I was home. It was like slow motion. I even saw my house. And my brain just expected to see my mate behind me. It was epic. But I spun around only to find that I was still here. But it was sweet knowing that my mate up here was just making a joke to cheer me up.
I am truely believing that my adventure here has finished. I have seen what I wanted to, and am just ready to go home. It just the count down now.
Hopefully the next few weeks will fly by.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Grog Hand Out Weekend.
So the weekend just passed was our grog hand out weekend. As I have said previously there is limited amount of alochol that you can LEGALLY obtain here. So this weekend I had 6 bottles of wine come into my possesion. The next grog hand out day is in 2 weeks. So whatever you get on the handout day is to last you for two weeks.
It was actually quite sad how excited I was to get intoxicated. The feeling I wanted the most was for my judgement to slip a little. Just to let everything go and blow off a little steam. I think that is the hardest thing I find here is that it is hard to find an outlet for any stress. I can see why alcohol is limited here because I know exactly how I would be if I could drink as much as I wanted.
Continuning on, I finished work at 12 Saturday. I had to occupy myself for 4 hours before my neighbourhood drinks started. Which was hard. Because I was WAY too keen. I hadnt had much to drink for the last probably four weeks. So my waiting for the afternoon didnt really happen. I started to drink at about one around at a workmates place. I left there, and then went to my neighbour's drinks. I continued to drink. I then decided to walk around to my mate's place and continue to drink. Along the way some of the community dogs ran out to attack me. But I have learnt if you ignore them, they totally dont care. Dont get me wrong, they still attack. But I find if I just ignore them and keep walking, they stop caring. So anyways. I continued on and had some drinks with my mates and then decided to stroll home in the dark. It can be a little dangerous walking here at night. Not only because of the dogs but because of the people as well. Especially on grog hand out night.
If I can paint a picture...
When people here get their grog every second saturday, and I am talking both black and white people, it is often consumed by the end of that day. It is a sure thing that there will be big fights between the Indigenous. Since I have been here (approx 4-5 handouts), people have hanged themselves, a guy was stabbed in the neck and a Somalian guy was running around the community completely naked while pleasuring himself, over and over again. This is the busiest night of all for the police here. Gambling and child molestation are rife, drink driving, and fights. So walking home on grog hand out night is not the best idea of all.
I walked home anyway. Dogs came out at me but by this stage I was way to drunk to care. I didnt remember til the next morning that I had seen some Indigenous folks on my walk and I actually stopped to talk to them for a bit. Its quite cool that whenever I get about the community I cant get around without seeing someone that I know. I kinda like that. And they love it when you remember their name and have a chat to them. So it quite made my night.
When I got back into my street I realised that my new neighbour was still up watching the soccer, so I just invited myself over to continue drinking, obviously not too keen to end the party. Which was a bad choice. I was pretty shattered by this stage, about 3 1/2 bottles down. I ended up falling asleep on his couch and he woke me up to go home. I dont remember getting in the house so who knows how that happend.
But in all, I enjoy the amount of people that I know here. Its nice to get around and see people you know all the time. I liken it to being on school camp or something like that. Which is kinda cool.
Since the weekend I have decided that I am not going to drink anymore. I have decided to put my alcohol acquisition to a better use - funding my trip home. This may sound bad, but there is money to be made here and I have decided to take the opportunity to make it.
Over the weekend I discovered the reason for having skin names. It is so families dont interbreed, this is the same reason for fathers not talking to their daughter-inlaws etc (which is known as poison cousins). Its very interesting because this practice has been within their culture since the begining of time, whereas other cultures have many stories about interbreeding. Its very interesting the stuff that you learn when speak with the locals. I have also discovered the reason why they have so many dogs. However the reason for this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard, so I am deciding not to share it here.
One of the girls that I work with and am quite close with, tells me today that her cousin is pregnant at 11. She is also married to a fellow around the same age. This is not uncommon. In fact their family is proud that she is bringing a baby into the world. They criticise my friend because she hasnt had children at 20. Its crazy. I tell them that I dont plan to have kids til Im 30 and they think Im crazy.
I was speaking to one of the other ladies I work with and she has the same skin name as my mother. Which means she is my mother. So basically she has to look after me if anything should happen to my mother. Her family is mine. Its pretty awesome knowing that you have a huge family. Even if you dont know them.
So I am at a cross roads. I go home, back to the real world, on the 9th of December. I go there for a month and travel the East Coast and swim in the ocean - which is long over due. The thing is that I am not sure if I want to come back. The thing with this place is that it can be the most amazing place in the world, and at then the next day it can be the worst. I love the experiences that I have had and am open to having just because I am here. There are things that are normal here that you cant get anywhere else. But in saying that, I miss my home dearly. I feel a strong pull to it and that I should be there as soon as possible. I am just worried that if and when I stop my adventure, I may not get it back ever again. On the same line, my mum has had enough of it up here, there is a chance that she will just up and leave over the break as well and I wont have anywhere to come back to. So it is a little up in the air at the moment.
But I will still do my best to have as many and as most awesome experiences as possible! Until at such time I board the plane to leave.
As they say, Theres nothing sweeter than Maningrida.
It was actually quite sad how excited I was to get intoxicated. The feeling I wanted the most was for my judgement to slip a little. Just to let everything go and blow off a little steam. I think that is the hardest thing I find here is that it is hard to find an outlet for any stress. I can see why alcohol is limited here because I know exactly how I would be if I could drink as much as I wanted.
Continuning on, I finished work at 12 Saturday. I had to occupy myself for 4 hours before my neighbourhood drinks started. Which was hard. Because I was WAY too keen. I hadnt had much to drink for the last probably four weeks. So my waiting for the afternoon didnt really happen. I started to drink at about one around at a workmates place. I left there, and then went to my neighbour's drinks. I continued to drink. I then decided to walk around to my mate's place and continue to drink. Along the way some of the community dogs ran out to attack me. But I have learnt if you ignore them, they totally dont care. Dont get me wrong, they still attack. But I find if I just ignore them and keep walking, they stop caring. So anyways. I continued on and had some drinks with my mates and then decided to stroll home in the dark. It can be a little dangerous walking here at night. Not only because of the dogs but because of the people as well. Especially on grog hand out night.
If I can paint a picture...
When people here get their grog every second saturday, and I am talking both black and white people, it is often consumed by the end of that day. It is a sure thing that there will be big fights between the Indigenous. Since I have been here (approx 4-5 handouts), people have hanged themselves, a guy was stabbed in the neck and a Somalian guy was running around the community completely naked while pleasuring himself, over and over again. This is the busiest night of all for the police here. Gambling and child molestation are rife, drink driving, and fights. So walking home on grog hand out night is not the best idea of all.
I walked home anyway. Dogs came out at me but by this stage I was way to drunk to care. I didnt remember til the next morning that I had seen some Indigenous folks on my walk and I actually stopped to talk to them for a bit. Its quite cool that whenever I get about the community I cant get around without seeing someone that I know. I kinda like that. And they love it when you remember their name and have a chat to them. So it quite made my night.
When I got back into my street I realised that my new neighbour was still up watching the soccer, so I just invited myself over to continue drinking, obviously not too keen to end the party. Which was a bad choice. I was pretty shattered by this stage, about 3 1/2 bottles down. I ended up falling asleep on his couch and he woke me up to go home. I dont remember getting in the house so who knows how that happend.
But in all, I enjoy the amount of people that I know here. Its nice to get around and see people you know all the time. I liken it to being on school camp or something like that. Which is kinda cool.
Since the weekend I have decided that I am not going to drink anymore. I have decided to put my alcohol acquisition to a better use - funding my trip home. This may sound bad, but there is money to be made here and I have decided to take the opportunity to make it.
Over the weekend I discovered the reason for having skin names. It is so families dont interbreed, this is the same reason for fathers not talking to their daughter-inlaws etc (which is known as poison cousins). Its very interesting because this practice has been within their culture since the begining of time, whereas other cultures have many stories about interbreeding. Its very interesting the stuff that you learn when speak with the locals. I have also discovered the reason why they have so many dogs. However the reason for this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard, so I am deciding not to share it here.
One of the girls that I work with and am quite close with, tells me today that her cousin is pregnant at 11. She is also married to a fellow around the same age. This is not uncommon. In fact their family is proud that she is bringing a baby into the world. They criticise my friend because she hasnt had children at 20. Its crazy. I tell them that I dont plan to have kids til Im 30 and they think Im crazy.
I was speaking to one of the other ladies I work with and she has the same skin name as my mother. Which means she is my mother. So basically she has to look after me if anything should happen to my mother. Her family is mine. Its pretty awesome knowing that you have a huge family. Even if you dont know them.
So I am at a cross roads. I go home, back to the real world, on the 9th of December. I go there for a month and travel the East Coast and swim in the ocean - which is long over due. The thing is that I am not sure if I want to come back. The thing with this place is that it can be the most amazing place in the world, and at then the next day it can be the worst. I love the experiences that I have had and am open to having just because I am here. There are things that are normal here that you cant get anywhere else. But in saying that, I miss my home dearly. I feel a strong pull to it and that I should be there as soon as possible. I am just worried that if and when I stop my adventure, I may not get it back ever again. On the same line, my mum has had enough of it up here, there is a chance that she will just up and leave over the break as well and I wont have anywhere to come back to. So it is a little up in the air at the moment.
But I will still do my best to have as many and as most awesome experiences as possible! Until at such time I board the plane to leave.
As they say, Theres nothing sweeter than Maningrida.
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
Totem.
A while ago when I first met my Indigenous friend Shirley she told me about Totems. I just forgot to write about it.
Basically what she told me is that every person that is born will have at Totem. For example her Totem was the Kangaroo, and a certain type of tree. The tree because it is common in her people's country. There are so many different tribes and differnt countries that they come from. There are so many differnt languages as well. In my community alone ( approx 3500 people) there are 14 different languages.
However, back to the Totem. The concept of a Totem is that it was present either when you were born or your mother was pregnant with you. She told me of one of her children who has a birth mark on their knee. She told me the story that when she was pregnant her husband threw a rock at a Goanna and hurt its knee. She asked if I had any birthmarks. Now I have a couple of light brown patches, but my real visible one is the one on my eye. It is a red spot on my bottom eyelid. Sometimes its barely visible but sometimes its sticks out like crazy. Her explanation for this is that maybe when my mum was pregnant she caught a fish and hooked it through the eye. She couldnt believe however that I didnt have a Totem. Some people will not eat their Totem, because they believe that they are eating their own. It amazing the culture that they have. I nearly wrote just then "and respect they have for the land" but I deleted it. It is the saddest thing because you can see their culture just slipping away through their fingers. They leave garbage everywhere. They do drugs and drink. All these things that should never have interupted their culture. I watched our local team play AFL the other day. ALL of the men here are incredibly athlete. It is just in their blood.
When they eat ANYTHING they eat it to entirety. Its amazing. I watch my friend eat fried chicken (his absolute favourite that he eats with pancakes) and he eats the whole thing. The only thing left is the bone. No grissle, no skin, no tendon. And it is the same with anything that they hunt, they will eat the meat, what they dont eat goes to the dog, the bone will be kept and painted and sold to the art centre, and real good ones will use the sinue and make spears with it.
But with this you can see the impact of the white man more than ever. Something they would have been fine without. They do not do anything. They dont work because the government pays them anyway. They dont buy houses because government provides them for no cost. They have become lazy. Just smoke and drink coke. Its quite sad really. Its even sadder, when watching the boys play AFL the other day, I realised quite a few of them would be good enough to play pro, but the honest truth is that there is no way they would be able to live in the real world. Here they live in a 3 bedroom house with about 15 other family members. They wear the same clothes for days on end. They spit ANYWHERE. They dont have driver's licences or 18+ cards. Most families dont even have cars, or beds.
Apologies for getting off track. Getting back to the Totem conversation, while me and Shirley were talking, we discovered we are from the same family. Her daughters have the same skin name as me. I am not sure but I think that means they are my sisters. I didnt think it was so important, but it determines everything. If I was to, I cannot marry someone with the same skin name. Another friend of mine here, I cant remember what his skin name is but apparently we are eligible to marry. It was a little confronting hearing that. Not that there was anything in it. Interesting.
Today, Shirley's sister was telling me about marriage. There are a few people in the community that have numbers of wives. They all live together in the same house. She told me of a guy she knew had 11 wives! When one would fall pregnant he would move onto the next one. To them its everyday life, to us its completely unheard of.
Their family setup is pretty strange as well. Certain members arent allowed to associate with others. For example fathers arent allowed to associate with daughter-inlaws and mothers arent allowed to associate with son-inlaws. I see it everyday. One of the girls will come get me to serve someone because they arent allowed to. And they stick by it. If they are seen associating I think there can be consequences. To what extent I am not too sure. Its quite difficult to learn new information, sometimes if they dont know you very well they dont feel comfortable talking about their culture and their laws. I feel pretty excited about the stuff I have achieved considering I have only been here a short time.
I would also like to mention, that everything that I write about, and everything I have learnt is only relevant to this part of the country. The tribes anywhere else can be completely different to everything that I have ever written here.
Basically what she told me is that every person that is born will have at Totem. For example her Totem was the Kangaroo, and a certain type of tree. The tree because it is common in her people's country. There are so many different tribes and differnt countries that they come from. There are so many differnt languages as well. In my community alone ( approx 3500 people) there are 14 different languages.
However, back to the Totem. The concept of a Totem is that it was present either when you were born or your mother was pregnant with you. She told me of one of her children who has a birth mark on their knee. She told me the story that when she was pregnant her husband threw a rock at a Goanna and hurt its knee. She asked if I had any birthmarks. Now I have a couple of light brown patches, but my real visible one is the one on my eye. It is a red spot on my bottom eyelid. Sometimes its barely visible but sometimes its sticks out like crazy. Her explanation for this is that maybe when my mum was pregnant she caught a fish and hooked it through the eye. She couldnt believe however that I didnt have a Totem. Some people will not eat their Totem, because they believe that they are eating their own. It amazing the culture that they have. I nearly wrote just then "and respect they have for the land" but I deleted it. It is the saddest thing because you can see their culture just slipping away through their fingers. They leave garbage everywhere. They do drugs and drink. All these things that should never have interupted their culture. I watched our local team play AFL the other day. ALL of the men here are incredibly athlete. It is just in their blood.
When they eat ANYTHING they eat it to entirety. Its amazing. I watch my friend eat fried chicken (his absolute favourite that he eats with pancakes) and he eats the whole thing. The only thing left is the bone. No grissle, no skin, no tendon. And it is the same with anything that they hunt, they will eat the meat, what they dont eat goes to the dog, the bone will be kept and painted and sold to the art centre, and real good ones will use the sinue and make spears with it.
But with this you can see the impact of the white man more than ever. Something they would have been fine without. They do not do anything. They dont work because the government pays them anyway. They dont buy houses because government provides them for no cost. They have become lazy. Just smoke and drink coke. Its quite sad really. Its even sadder, when watching the boys play AFL the other day, I realised quite a few of them would be good enough to play pro, but the honest truth is that there is no way they would be able to live in the real world. Here they live in a 3 bedroom house with about 15 other family members. They wear the same clothes for days on end. They spit ANYWHERE. They dont have driver's licences or 18+ cards. Most families dont even have cars, or beds.
Apologies for getting off track. Getting back to the Totem conversation, while me and Shirley were talking, we discovered we are from the same family. Her daughters have the same skin name as me. I am not sure but I think that means they are my sisters. I didnt think it was so important, but it determines everything. If I was to, I cannot marry someone with the same skin name. Another friend of mine here, I cant remember what his skin name is but apparently we are eligible to marry. It was a little confronting hearing that. Not that there was anything in it. Interesting.
Today, Shirley's sister was telling me about marriage. There are a few people in the community that have numbers of wives. They all live together in the same house. She told me of a guy she knew had 11 wives! When one would fall pregnant he would move onto the next one. To them its everyday life, to us its completely unheard of.
Their family setup is pretty strange as well. Certain members arent allowed to associate with others. For example fathers arent allowed to associate with daughter-inlaws and mothers arent allowed to associate with son-inlaws. I see it everyday. One of the girls will come get me to serve someone because they arent allowed to. And they stick by it. If they are seen associating I think there can be consequences. To what extent I am not too sure. Its quite difficult to learn new information, sometimes if they dont know you very well they dont feel comfortable talking about their culture and their laws. I feel pretty excited about the stuff I have achieved considering I have only been here a short time.
I would also like to mention, that everything that I write about, and everything I have learnt is only relevant to this part of the country. The tribes anywhere else can be completely different to everything that I have ever written here.
Stupid Wednesday
So I have come to the conclusion that Wednesdays are crap. Looking back at alot of my posts, and thinking of days that I wanted to post on, they have often been Wednesdays. I am seeing a pattern, and I have been unabe to conclude why, but I am generally depressed on Wednesdays. I dont know if it is because people are over it by Wednesday and their mood contributes to it or what. I was feeling fine today. I was chatting with everyone, trying to pick up the mood in the work place and all I got was blunt anti-social-ness. I will also add at this point that the weather has been terribly hot. Quite possibly some of the hottest weather I have ever experienced. I would safely guess that it was 37 degrees today. We may be by the sea side but they community is dirt, and the heat reflects off everything. So maybe this contributes to everyones persona.
I mean the way I see it, I havent been here that long, and yes the heat is killing me, but I'm not finding a need to be a bitch to everyone.
I must also add in at this point that I dont think it is everyone, I think my unhappiness is largely contributed to one person. And one only.
So as calm, centered and kind as I am trying to be, this person just stirs me all up again. I am trying hard to not let it get to me. In fact I dont even know why its getting to me. Maybe I just hate knowing that I have tried my hardest to help a mate out and then when its all going good they cant even give you the time of day. So basically my solution to all this is just to let it all go. Ignore it. And do my own thing. I only thing that I think keeps me going is knowing that there is a time when this will all be over, and its not too far away.
But I also need to find a way to cure my mid-week blues.
Since being out here I have loved having a connection to the land. I love the fact that you can do things here that you really dont have the opportunity to do anywhere else. I like the thought of working out in the wilderness for a living. I have enjoyed it so much that I have considered changing my studies from law to either sustainability of zoology. But I like the prospect of working with cultures and Indigenous people. All these changes that are happening in my head are showing me more and more that I will generally travel for the rest of my life. I admit that coming out here I have found myself. I have come more into my own. And have decided alot more about what I want. It also worries me. It worries me that when I do go back to the real world I wont be able to handle. There is an immense amount of freedom up here and its going to be way hard to adapt back to. For example: I dont think I have worn a seat belt the whole time I have been here. My language has changed. I catch myself out speaking "blackfella". I dont think I have worn a pair of enclosed shoes EVER since being here. I have not once worried about my tattoos being shown. I have not worn one spec of makeup - even when I've gone to a party. In fact I dont even know where my make up is. I show up to work when I want. I go on a break when I want. And I pretty much do what I want. I would not think twice about taking a day off to go fishing. Its just how its done. The Territory life is crazy different to anything I have ever experienced. And its even more laxed out here.
So yes I am quite worried of how I will act while I'm home at Xmas. I literally no longer care what any person thinks of me, I am louder than I used to be and honestly a lot happier. So hopefully I can adapt all this back in.
I am still finding myself day-dreaming of being home. Everyday it is the only thing I think about. I do not look forward to the last 2 weeks before I go home because I know I will not sleep. I dont think I have ever wanted something so much. Its funny the things that you miss when they are gone. I never thought I would want to see my car this much. And feel its cushiony leather seats wrap around me. I cant wait to hear my sound system and drive at the same time! I cant wait for my dog to cover me in his hair and head butt me by accident when I try to pick up his food bowl. I cant wait to swim in the ocean without seeing or hearing a recent crocodile sighting story. To be able to walk down the street without being attacked by dogs or seeing a dead body, and to go into the shops without seeing a naked child or a fight.
I dont think anyone can truely understand the feeling of isolation like this without actually experiencing it. As much as I describe this place I never feel satisfied that I have even been able to give you a picture of what its really like. Even with the pictures I take, I dont even think they paint a proper portrait of how it is here. It can be a very interesting and inspiring place. I got told today that I "do this place well" that I get how it works out here and this is where I am meant to be. I can see how they say that. I just wish it was closer to home.
As much as I dont want to be negative I think that is going to be the downfall in a certain part of my life.
However! Happy Days ahead! - Grog hand out Saturday morning which means I have 6 bottles of wine. As much as it sounds bad to rely on it. It is an extremely good feeling to be incapacitated here and not be bothered even if just for one afternoon.
And I shall leave you with this:
Every one missed is one that you cant get back again.
I mean the way I see it, I havent been here that long, and yes the heat is killing me, but I'm not finding a need to be a bitch to everyone.
I must also add in at this point that I dont think it is everyone, I think my unhappiness is largely contributed to one person. And one only.
So as calm, centered and kind as I am trying to be, this person just stirs me all up again. I am trying hard to not let it get to me. In fact I dont even know why its getting to me. Maybe I just hate knowing that I have tried my hardest to help a mate out and then when its all going good they cant even give you the time of day. So basically my solution to all this is just to let it all go. Ignore it. And do my own thing. I only thing that I think keeps me going is knowing that there is a time when this will all be over, and its not too far away.
But I also need to find a way to cure my mid-week blues.
Since being out here I have loved having a connection to the land. I love the fact that you can do things here that you really dont have the opportunity to do anywhere else. I like the thought of working out in the wilderness for a living. I have enjoyed it so much that I have considered changing my studies from law to either sustainability of zoology. But I like the prospect of working with cultures and Indigenous people. All these changes that are happening in my head are showing me more and more that I will generally travel for the rest of my life. I admit that coming out here I have found myself. I have come more into my own. And have decided alot more about what I want. It also worries me. It worries me that when I do go back to the real world I wont be able to handle. There is an immense amount of freedom up here and its going to be way hard to adapt back to. For example: I dont think I have worn a seat belt the whole time I have been here. My language has changed. I catch myself out speaking "blackfella". I dont think I have worn a pair of enclosed shoes EVER since being here. I have not once worried about my tattoos being shown. I have not worn one spec of makeup - even when I've gone to a party. In fact I dont even know where my make up is. I show up to work when I want. I go on a break when I want. And I pretty much do what I want. I would not think twice about taking a day off to go fishing. Its just how its done. The Territory life is crazy different to anything I have ever experienced. And its even more laxed out here.
So yes I am quite worried of how I will act while I'm home at Xmas. I literally no longer care what any person thinks of me, I am louder than I used to be and honestly a lot happier. So hopefully I can adapt all this back in.
I am still finding myself day-dreaming of being home. Everyday it is the only thing I think about. I do not look forward to the last 2 weeks before I go home because I know I will not sleep. I dont think I have ever wanted something so much. Its funny the things that you miss when they are gone. I never thought I would want to see my car this much. And feel its cushiony leather seats wrap around me. I cant wait to hear my sound system and drive at the same time! I cant wait for my dog to cover me in his hair and head butt me by accident when I try to pick up his food bowl. I cant wait to swim in the ocean without seeing or hearing a recent crocodile sighting story. To be able to walk down the street without being attacked by dogs or seeing a dead body, and to go into the shops without seeing a naked child or a fight.
I dont think anyone can truely understand the feeling of isolation like this without actually experiencing it. As much as I describe this place I never feel satisfied that I have even been able to give you a picture of what its really like. Even with the pictures I take, I dont even think they paint a proper portrait of how it is here. It can be a very interesting and inspiring place. I got told today that I "do this place well" that I get how it works out here and this is where I am meant to be. I can see how they say that. I just wish it was closer to home.
As much as I dont want to be negative I think that is going to be the downfall in a certain part of my life.
However! Happy Days ahead! - Grog hand out Saturday morning which means I have 6 bottles of wine. As much as it sounds bad to rely on it. It is an extremely good feeling to be incapacitated here and not be bothered even if just for one afternoon.
And I shall leave you with this:
Every one missed is one that you cant get back again.
Sunday, 9 October 2011
The Adventure Continues...
At first I will begin by apologising for my lack of new posts. My interest in writing is feigning. I am unsure of why. I have plenty of things to tell, just no interest in telling them. But anyway here I am.
Firstly. I ate crocodile the other night. This is prior to me finding out that it is a sacred animal up here and even the Indigenous dont eat it. So I feel a little guilty for it. But it was pretty good. It is a white meat, and tasted kinda like prawns, but with the consistency of pork.
The last couple of weeks I have been struggling to find anything to do or be invited to. So I have decided to just go for it. I just randomly have been talking people in the shop more just to meet more people. This ended up working out this week, as I got invited to go on a trip out to crab creek. Pretty exciting stuff! So saturday afternoon we all piled into the back of a troupie and headed west into the bush. It took about 30mins to get out there and the whole point of the trip was for Longbom. Longbom is a slug that lives in Cone Shell. Crab creek was pretty empty at the time and there were literally thousands of coneshells. We got a couple of buckets worth. The local people that we were with ate them raw, kinda similar to oyster. Ive never eaten oyster in my life basically because I couldnt muster the balls. So the locals were up there eating them raw. And for some unknown reason I just went up and ate one. It didnt taste too bad at first. A bit chewy. Then a horrible after taste. Im glad I did it though. This is the stuff that I have come up here to do. Theres no room for me to be soft. So it was a proud achievement.
We next went out to Narnamuk. It was about another 30mins through the bush. When we got there it was one of the nicest beaches I have seen. The locals sat down and started making a fire to cook the Longbom and we all took our hand lines and went for a fish off the rocks. We were all about knee deep in the water, nice warm water at that. Nice warm water that you cannot go in, or near usually because it is too trecherous. However dangerous the water may be sometimes you just cant help it. Its crazy beautiful up here and its hard seeing some of the nicest beaches and not being able to go near them. Anyway. I fished off the rocks and then noticed a dark shadow in the water really close to me. Theres nothing to suggest it was a croc, but I bailed anyway. This beach, Narnamuk, is where you can find really big sea shells. I found some pretty big ones so that was pretty decent.
When we got back into town, I took some Longbom to my Indigenous family. They loved it. The land we were on we had to have permission to be on, so any fish you catch or anything you hunt, you generally have to give some to the Land Owners, thanking them for letting you use the land.
Last weekend me and a friend ventured out to a place called Rocky Point. It is my Indigneous family's land, but I still need to get permission to go there, or have one of them with me. When I went out I didnt have any permission. So we stopped so I could take a couple of pictures and left. If you get caught on land that you dont have permission to be on, it can be really serious. The land owners can take your car, your belongings or they can fine you. These are fines of which police will enforce. I have heard it is $1000 per person. I can be worse, they can run you out of the community. If you piss off the right people you can be out of town within 24hours and not allowed back.
Getting out of town like this is the best remedy for a bad week. I find even if we just go for a drive out of town, or a run in the boat, I am completely refreshed for another week of puting up with this place. As I have mentioned before, there are good and bad days. The last week has been awesome here. Nothing has bothered me. I put the down to the fact that I know I am leaving for sure. I know that when I go home there will be someone hopefully waiting there for me. The last week has picked up my spirits something shocking. At this stage it is 59days until I get to go home. The one thing I want more than anything, the moment that I am awaiting desperatley to arrive, is the moment I arrive home, get off the plane and see a certain person's face. This one and only moment is what keeps me going. I am getting worried that I am looking forward to it too much and that I may pass out when it actually happens. Not really. But kinda maybe.
I am hoping and I think that my spirit will stay lifted. The news I heard last week was the one and only thing that could take my minor depression away. And I am so thankful to have finally heard it. It is the one thing the has put me totally and utterly at peace.
For those who havent been seen any of my pics yet, feel free to check out the link below.
As for this week, I hope to go out and finally land my first Barra. Wish me luck!
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150276253385847.330262.718885846&type=3
Firstly. I ate crocodile the other night. This is prior to me finding out that it is a sacred animal up here and even the Indigenous dont eat it. So I feel a little guilty for it. But it was pretty good. It is a white meat, and tasted kinda like prawns, but with the consistency of pork.
The last couple of weeks I have been struggling to find anything to do or be invited to. So I have decided to just go for it. I just randomly have been talking people in the shop more just to meet more people. This ended up working out this week, as I got invited to go on a trip out to crab creek. Pretty exciting stuff! So saturday afternoon we all piled into the back of a troupie and headed west into the bush. It took about 30mins to get out there and the whole point of the trip was for Longbom. Longbom is a slug that lives in Cone Shell. Crab creek was pretty empty at the time and there were literally thousands of coneshells. We got a couple of buckets worth. The local people that we were with ate them raw, kinda similar to oyster. Ive never eaten oyster in my life basically because I couldnt muster the balls. So the locals were up there eating them raw. And for some unknown reason I just went up and ate one. It didnt taste too bad at first. A bit chewy. Then a horrible after taste. Im glad I did it though. This is the stuff that I have come up here to do. Theres no room for me to be soft. So it was a proud achievement.
We next went out to Narnamuk. It was about another 30mins through the bush. When we got there it was one of the nicest beaches I have seen. The locals sat down and started making a fire to cook the Longbom and we all took our hand lines and went for a fish off the rocks. We were all about knee deep in the water, nice warm water at that. Nice warm water that you cannot go in, or near usually because it is too trecherous. However dangerous the water may be sometimes you just cant help it. Its crazy beautiful up here and its hard seeing some of the nicest beaches and not being able to go near them. Anyway. I fished off the rocks and then noticed a dark shadow in the water really close to me. Theres nothing to suggest it was a croc, but I bailed anyway. This beach, Narnamuk, is where you can find really big sea shells. I found some pretty big ones so that was pretty decent.
When we got back into town, I took some Longbom to my Indigenous family. They loved it. The land we were on we had to have permission to be on, so any fish you catch or anything you hunt, you generally have to give some to the Land Owners, thanking them for letting you use the land.
Last weekend me and a friend ventured out to a place called Rocky Point. It is my Indigneous family's land, but I still need to get permission to go there, or have one of them with me. When I went out I didnt have any permission. So we stopped so I could take a couple of pictures and left. If you get caught on land that you dont have permission to be on, it can be really serious. The land owners can take your car, your belongings or they can fine you. These are fines of which police will enforce. I have heard it is $1000 per person. I can be worse, they can run you out of the community. If you piss off the right people you can be out of town within 24hours and not allowed back.
Getting out of town like this is the best remedy for a bad week. I find even if we just go for a drive out of town, or a run in the boat, I am completely refreshed for another week of puting up with this place. As I have mentioned before, there are good and bad days. The last week has been awesome here. Nothing has bothered me. I put the down to the fact that I know I am leaving for sure. I know that when I go home there will be someone hopefully waiting there for me. The last week has picked up my spirits something shocking. At this stage it is 59days until I get to go home. The one thing I want more than anything, the moment that I am awaiting desperatley to arrive, is the moment I arrive home, get off the plane and see a certain person's face. This one and only moment is what keeps me going. I am getting worried that I am looking forward to it too much and that I may pass out when it actually happens. Not really. But kinda maybe.
I am hoping and I think that my spirit will stay lifted. The news I heard last week was the one and only thing that could take my minor depression away. And I am so thankful to have finally heard it. It is the one thing the has put me totally and utterly at peace.
For those who havent been seen any of my pics yet, feel free to check out the link below.
As for this week, I hope to go out and finally land my first Barra. Wish me luck!
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150276253385847.330262.718885846&type=3
Friday, 30 September 2011
A Bit of Feeling
Since my last post, I have booked my flights home for Christmas. I thought this would be a good thing, however it is much the opposite. There is nothing more that I want than to be home. I just cant let go of it. Its as if I am imprisoned here, serving a sentance. The thing I am trying for most is not to hold onto a dream. It is something that I want so much in the world but I am worried that if I put too much energy into it, it will not turn out how I want it to.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But I am worried that maybe it just grows fonder because there isnt much else going on or that it is all an illusion. I dont know how or what to say. I dont know if I should say how I feel. I dont want to ruin things. But it is so dearly where I want to be. I dont know why and I thought I'd be ok up here. But I'm not. I didnt think home would have meant so much to me and that I would have wanted it back so badly.
I'm hoping seeing you will make it all better. And I hope you know that its the thing that I want most.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But I am worried that maybe it just grows fonder because there isnt much else going on or that it is all an illusion. I dont know how or what to say. I dont know if I should say how I feel. I dont want to ruin things. But it is so dearly where I want to be. I dont know why and I thought I'd be ok up here. But I'm not. I didnt think home would have meant so much to me and that I would have wanted it back so badly.
I'm hoping seeing you will make it all better. And I hope you know that its the thing that I want most.
Maybe this is just a Bump in the Road.
Everything has gotten monotonous. I dont have a problem specifically. Nothing to really complain about. But I am not happy. I'm sad generally. Its not random bouts of home sickness. Its general home sickness. And its fucking my shit up. I dont like to be so down. And I dont know how to fix it.
I think it has something to do with my lack of friends. Mainly because they are all shipping out. Peole are leaving but not necessarily arriving. So thats that. I have booked my flights home and thought it would make me excited/have something to aim for, but instead its just made me feel more down because its so far away.
On another note, I witnessed my first fight up here on Monday. The day began differently for starters - we were closed for smoking. A dead body was coming back into the community and our store had to be smoked so their spirit leaves this world. The thing with this is, that we can be closed for hours just waiting around for them to show up. So it began with us being closed. I was minding my business, stacking the shelves, when all of the Indigenous people that I work with all started heading for the door. I heard something about a fight. I went out to check it out and everyone had gathered on the school oval to watch the fight. One of the ladies I work with walked up there because it was a family member of hers in the fight.
It got a bit rowdy and started to move towards the shop so I decided that I was too white to stay outstide. I went back to stacking my shelves. My boss came in and said the fight had moved to the ceremony ground just behind work. I decided there was no way I could miss this. I went out and there was literally about 300 people all gathered around, yelling an screaming. Not all just young people either. The elders get amongst it too. The funniest part was the Ambulance was already parked up on the sideline waiting for the resulting injuries. People were even there with their babies in prams. Crazy.
So basically it was just a bunch of yelling and screaming for ages until the copper decided that he would pepper spray someone to try and break up the crowd. This one act is probably the stupidest thing I have witnessed while being up here. It is the one thing that actually started the fight rolling. It was intense. People were screaming, dogs and prams flying everywhere. I couldnt believe it. I was maybe 50m away and there was a point when I actually didnt feel safe. It also happened to be the point when the whole mob was coming towards me. However, after about 20minutes the mob broke up and it was over.
I spoke to a friend of mine later in the day who works for a company who are strictly Fly in - Fly out. So they dont get to mix with the community much, and he was saying that they werent allowed to leave their camp because of the fighting. It was interesting how they saw it. And how serious they thought it was, meanwhile I walked home for lunch and didnt have a second thought about it. As I have said previoulsy, they live entirely for the moment here. Once it is over with it is over with. They just move on.
Since the fight, seeing as it has taken me 6 days to finish this blog (it is now saturday) there has still been quite a bit of violence within the community. I would not be supprised if something big happens within the next week, also considering that it is grog handout day, so those who have alcohol will probably consumed theirs by now. But who knows what tomorrow will bring!
I think it has something to do with my lack of friends. Mainly because they are all shipping out. Peole are leaving but not necessarily arriving. So thats that. I have booked my flights home and thought it would make me excited/have something to aim for, but instead its just made me feel more down because its so far away.
On another note, I witnessed my first fight up here on Monday. The day began differently for starters - we were closed for smoking. A dead body was coming back into the community and our store had to be smoked so their spirit leaves this world. The thing with this is, that we can be closed for hours just waiting around for them to show up. So it began with us being closed. I was minding my business, stacking the shelves, when all of the Indigenous people that I work with all started heading for the door. I heard something about a fight. I went out to check it out and everyone had gathered on the school oval to watch the fight. One of the ladies I work with walked up there because it was a family member of hers in the fight.
It got a bit rowdy and started to move towards the shop so I decided that I was too white to stay outstide. I went back to stacking my shelves. My boss came in and said the fight had moved to the ceremony ground just behind work. I decided there was no way I could miss this. I went out and there was literally about 300 people all gathered around, yelling an screaming. Not all just young people either. The elders get amongst it too. The funniest part was the Ambulance was already parked up on the sideline waiting for the resulting injuries. People were even there with their babies in prams. Crazy.
So basically it was just a bunch of yelling and screaming for ages until the copper decided that he would pepper spray someone to try and break up the crowd. This one act is probably the stupidest thing I have witnessed while being up here. It is the one thing that actually started the fight rolling. It was intense. People were screaming, dogs and prams flying everywhere. I couldnt believe it. I was maybe 50m away and there was a point when I actually didnt feel safe. It also happened to be the point when the whole mob was coming towards me. However, after about 20minutes the mob broke up and it was over.
I spoke to a friend of mine later in the day who works for a company who are strictly Fly in - Fly out. So they dont get to mix with the community much, and he was saying that they werent allowed to leave their camp because of the fighting. It was interesting how they saw it. And how serious they thought it was, meanwhile I walked home for lunch and didnt have a second thought about it. As I have said previoulsy, they live entirely for the moment here. Once it is over with it is over with. They just move on.
Since the fight, seeing as it has taken me 6 days to finish this blog (it is now saturday) there has still been quite a bit of violence within the community. I would not be supprised if something big happens within the next week, also considering that it is grog handout day, so those who have alcohol will probably consumed theirs by now. But who knows what tomorrow will bring!
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Trying to Find a Groove.
So as the days go by I begin to settle a little bit more here. The more I grow to know the place and start to know the people, the more I find that its a hard place to be. Each day it seems like another close friend has left leaving another void to fill. I am glad today one of my friends actually returned, which hopefully is a good thing. I am learning that you never have faith in what someone says they are going to do. And I can understand why people here are so predictable. They struggle to like it and to live and save money happily, but then that day comes when you are faced with the oppurtunity of an out, and you just take it. I can why. I get it. I'm just not used to living with people who are so flighty.
However I do think that maybe this could be a good thing for me. Maybe I will learn to not trust people so instantly. Maybe I will learn the self control to sit back and take the opportunity to see what is going on around me.
But in saying this, as I have said previously, it is a lonely place to be. With people coming and going all the time it is hard to have a solid group of mates. It is a hard choice between keeping your head down and just making your money and going home, or having the friends and the social life, maybe stay a bit longer but have a good time. At this point I'm at the stage of keeping my head down. I thought my home sickness would have curbed by now but it hasnt. I have had even less contact with home over the last week and its making me want it more. I just want the normal back in my life. I want the freedom to be able to do the things I like to do.
I am learning that you should never move back into home. No matter how much you think you miss it, or how good it will be, IT IS NOT. I am suffocating under the pressure of lifestyle. My only alone time is in the shower. In all honesty, I hate to be alone, but I am definatly not used to being nagged at this much. I am on edge, getting feisty and I cant stop myself from snapping at my family. I will not take full responsibility for this, however I do feel like shit because of it. It is just hard working around people all day and coming home and being around people all night and being nagged constantly. I am suffering by not having my own bedroom. Or a proper bed. I am over having to go into my brother's room to get my clothes before he goes to sleep and I'm sick of not being able to come home whenever I want.
But as long as I am here there is nothing I can do about this. I just need to find a way to deal with it. And god I hope I find it very soon.
However I do think that maybe this could be a good thing for me. Maybe I will learn to not trust people so instantly. Maybe I will learn the self control to sit back and take the opportunity to see what is going on around me.
But in saying this, as I have said previously, it is a lonely place to be. With people coming and going all the time it is hard to have a solid group of mates. It is a hard choice between keeping your head down and just making your money and going home, or having the friends and the social life, maybe stay a bit longer but have a good time. At this point I'm at the stage of keeping my head down. I thought my home sickness would have curbed by now but it hasnt. I have had even less contact with home over the last week and its making me want it more. I just want the normal back in my life. I want the freedom to be able to do the things I like to do.
I am learning that you should never move back into home. No matter how much you think you miss it, or how good it will be, IT IS NOT. I am suffocating under the pressure of lifestyle. My only alone time is in the shower. In all honesty, I hate to be alone, but I am definatly not used to being nagged at this much. I am on edge, getting feisty and I cant stop myself from snapping at my family. I will not take full responsibility for this, however I do feel like shit because of it. It is just hard working around people all day and coming home and being around people all night and being nagged constantly. I am suffering by not having my own bedroom. Or a proper bed. I am over having to go into my brother's room to get my clothes before he goes to sleep and I'm sick of not being able to come home whenever I want.
But as long as I am here there is nothing I can do about this. I just need to find a way to deal with it. And god I hope I find it very soon.
Monday, 19 September 2011
The Little Things.
Living in a place like this its the little things that can really make your day. Maybe just something like a phone call from an old friend, or something as little as a certain word that just reminds me of home.
When I was in Jabiru the other weekend, I admit I had, had a few to drink and I had to purhcase take-aways (you can only purchase takeaways from a certain bar, and only if you have a permit card) so stupid me in my half-cut-ness saw the Jim Beam six pack. Under no circumstance do I drink Jim Beam. It makes me ill. So because my truest mates drink Jim Beam it gave me a flash back to home and I brought the damn thing. And as usual it make me sick as a dog. But at the same time it made me feel so much closer to home, maybe in a way that no one else can understand. Maybe the fact that my closest friends were drinking the same drink at the same time, made me feel like I would be even an inch closer to where they were.
Even on the good days finding something that reminds me closer to home makes things more bearable. I went to the other shop the other day and found that they sold Bundaberg Ginger Beer, Beef Jerky, and Red Rock Deli Chips. I couldnt believe it. The ginger beer alone made me want to drift back to bundy. Its just that little tiny thing that even being out here in the middle of no-where, can make me feel like im not completely alone.
But getting back to it, I was texting a mate of mine tonight and in his last text he sent "No Wukkas" (No worries) I swear to god I have never heard anyone outside of my group of friends say this. I have actually refrained from saying it because I didnt think anyone would know what I was talking about. It was suprising. And awesome. It made me feel like home. It was 100% good and 100% bad at the same time. Good because it reminds me of the good times and all my closest friends, and bad because I would give anything to be there.
It is crazy the things that I am missing. We all know the general things like my dog and my car. But I also miss my bed. I miss yelling at my dog because hes chasing the possum along the fence line. I miss going to the shop or the pub.
But most of all I miss my best friend. I didnt think that I would be so devastated at being apart. Everything, and mean everything reminds me of him. Maybe I didnt value how close we were and how much he made my day. It is this one thing that I am not sure is good or bad. I am not sure it is good to miss somebody so much.
However, I remain here, counting the weeks until I get on the plane out. I cannot wait to get home and see my dog, chuck him in the back of my ute and DRIVE!! This is what I look forward too most. Couldnt come soon enough.
Until next time.
When I was in Jabiru the other weekend, I admit I had, had a few to drink and I had to purhcase take-aways (you can only purchase takeaways from a certain bar, and only if you have a permit card) so stupid me in my half-cut-ness saw the Jim Beam six pack. Under no circumstance do I drink Jim Beam. It makes me ill. So because my truest mates drink Jim Beam it gave me a flash back to home and I brought the damn thing. And as usual it make me sick as a dog. But at the same time it made me feel so much closer to home, maybe in a way that no one else can understand. Maybe the fact that my closest friends were drinking the same drink at the same time, made me feel like I would be even an inch closer to where they were.
Even on the good days finding something that reminds me closer to home makes things more bearable. I went to the other shop the other day and found that they sold Bundaberg Ginger Beer, Beef Jerky, and Red Rock Deli Chips. I couldnt believe it. The ginger beer alone made me want to drift back to bundy. Its just that little tiny thing that even being out here in the middle of no-where, can make me feel like im not completely alone.
But getting back to it, I was texting a mate of mine tonight and in his last text he sent "No Wukkas" (No worries) I swear to god I have never heard anyone outside of my group of friends say this. I have actually refrained from saying it because I didnt think anyone would know what I was talking about. It was suprising. And awesome. It made me feel like home. It was 100% good and 100% bad at the same time. Good because it reminds me of the good times and all my closest friends, and bad because I would give anything to be there.
It is crazy the things that I am missing. We all know the general things like my dog and my car. But I also miss my bed. I miss yelling at my dog because hes chasing the possum along the fence line. I miss going to the shop or the pub.
But most of all I miss my best friend. I didnt think that I would be so devastated at being apart. Everything, and mean everything reminds me of him. Maybe I didnt value how close we were and how much he made my day. It is this one thing that I am not sure is good or bad. I am not sure it is good to miss somebody so much.
However, I remain here, counting the weeks until I get on the plane out. I cannot wait to get home and see my dog, chuck him in the back of my ute and DRIVE!! This is what I look forward too most. Couldnt come soon enough.
Until next time.
Saturday, 17 September 2011
Fishing In the Territory
Before I begin I have to start with; I just saw a crocodile on the beach down at the barge landing. The same place where I saw children and dogs swimming yesterday arvo. It was about 2.5m long. This place never ceases to suprise you.
Anyway. I went fishing for the first proper time yesterday, out in a boat. We went out into the open water in this friggin tinny. There were three of us and I swear to god there were a few times when I seriously thought we were going to go under. The sea was rough. And it was windy as hell. It was the most unpredictable water I have ever seen in my life. The tide was going out but the wind pushing the water back upstream. Our little boat couldnt cope and most of the time we werent going anywhere at all. Be we finally made it up river and out of the wind.
As we began to fish I was being my usual smartass self about who was going to catch the first fish etc etc. I was standing up on the seat as well, so not really in the prime position for landing a huge fish. Next thing, winding in my lure i thought I had hit a snag, then this giant fish came to the surface and took off. It was the biggest fish I have EVER seen in my life. My line peeled off and I just stood there in disbelief, on my chair, while everyone else had the brains to actually sit down and hold on. Anyway basically I lost my balls and handed my rod over to Ritchie. Hes had a lot more experience than me in catching Barra so I figured if anyone could land it he could. We got it up alongside the boat but it had pulled us into some trees. So while crouching in these trees and trying not to tip the boat at the same time, the three of us were trying to get this giant fish in the boat. I had the net. Which was a total stupid idea. I have never used a net before. I didnt know what to do. PLUS the fish was too big for the net anyway! In the end we lost it. The boys were screaming like it was the end of the world. Obviously I hadnt yet come to realise how precious a fish this size actually is. Ritchie thinks it was at least 110cm. Apparently there are only like 3 people in town that have caught over a metre. He was devastated all day over our loss. Lol. I was just proud that was the first Barra I've ever hooked! This is just the beginning! Except of course if I never catch a Barra ever again I will hate this day for the rest of my life.
Truely the one that got away.
Anyway. I went fishing for the first proper time yesterday, out in a boat. We went out into the open water in this friggin tinny. There were three of us and I swear to god there were a few times when I seriously thought we were going to go under. The sea was rough. And it was windy as hell. It was the most unpredictable water I have ever seen in my life. The tide was going out but the wind pushing the water back upstream. Our little boat couldnt cope and most of the time we werent going anywhere at all. Be we finally made it up river and out of the wind.
As we began to fish I was being my usual smartass self about who was going to catch the first fish etc etc. I was standing up on the seat as well, so not really in the prime position for landing a huge fish. Next thing, winding in my lure i thought I had hit a snag, then this giant fish came to the surface and took off. It was the biggest fish I have EVER seen in my life. My line peeled off and I just stood there in disbelief, on my chair, while everyone else had the brains to actually sit down and hold on. Anyway basically I lost my balls and handed my rod over to Ritchie. Hes had a lot more experience than me in catching Barra so I figured if anyone could land it he could. We got it up alongside the boat but it had pulled us into some trees. So while crouching in these trees and trying not to tip the boat at the same time, the three of us were trying to get this giant fish in the boat. I had the net. Which was a total stupid idea. I have never used a net before. I didnt know what to do. PLUS the fish was too big for the net anyway! In the end we lost it. The boys were screaming like it was the end of the world. Obviously I hadnt yet come to realise how precious a fish this size actually is. Ritchie thinks it was at least 110cm. Apparently there are only like 3 people in town that have caught over a metre. He was devastated all day over our loss. Lol. I was just proud that was the first Barra I've ever hooked! This is just the beginning! Except of course if I never catch a Barra ever again I will hate this day for the rest of my life.
Truely the one that got away.
Friday, 16 September 2011
A Part of The Furniture.
Ok. So I think I'm loosing my mind. As I become more familiar and comfortable in the community, the shitter it becomes. You cant talk to or be friends with any men here because they have history with someone else. And they ALL have history. It is so fucking ridiculous. I accepted a ride the other day from a friend of mine. This is the first and only time I have ever been in a car alone with him. And some fucking stupid faggot of a woman goes running to my mother asking if me and him are together. He gave me a ride home for fuck sake. And on top of this, this woman is married. Obviously she has nothing better to do. People here are so shallow and ridiculous. So cannot say or do anything without some one else noticing or hearing and passing it on.
It is sad when you realise that this is the place where the people from the bottom of the barrel go to. It might be harsh but its true. These people are horrible. You have to try with all your might just to make acquaintances here let along an actual good mate. Amazingly I have heard some pretty crazy stories about myself this week. I mean seriously these people could be writers their shit is that good. The sad thing is that they are people that shouldnt be concerned with anything that I do. They are as old as my mum for frick sake. And OLDER. It is quite possible that they are intimidated by my prescence here. I havent been here very long and I've just merged straight into being friendly with everyone. Maybe they are jealous. Who fricken knows. But its ridiculous. The worst part is that I dont care what happens from here on in. I dont have to impress anyone here. This is not my home.
I am torn between giving these bitches a piece of my mind and between pretending like I dont care. I dont particularly care, its just that some of the stuff I am starting to hear could affect the people I care about. So I dunno. I suppose I should just feel sad for these women, that this is the only thing in their lives that makes them feel any good. That they need to make some one else look like shit to make them selves feel better.
Anyways. Thats that. Welcome to Maningrida.
It is sad when you realise that this is the place where the people from the bottom of the barrel go to. It might be harsh but its true. These people are horrible. You have to try with all your might just to make acquaintances here let along an actual good mate. Amazingly I have heard some pretty crazy stories about myself this week. I mean seriously these people could be writers their shit is that good. The sad thing is that they are people that shouldnt be concerned with anything that I do. They are as old as my mum for frick sake. And OLDER. It is quite possible that they are intimidated by my prescence here. I havent been here very long and I've just merged straight into being friendly with everyone. Maybe they are jealous. Who fricken knows. But its ridiculous. The worst part is that I dont care what happens from here on in. I dont have to impress anyone here. This is not my home.
I am torn between giving these bitches a piece of my mind and between pretending like I dont care. I dont particularly care, its just that some of the stuff I am starting to hear could affect the people I care about. So I dunno. I suppose I should just feel sad for these women, that this is the only thing in their lives that makes them feel any good. That they need to make some one else look like shit to make them selves feel better.
Anyways. Thats that. Welcome to Maningrida.
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Back to Square One
Well hello again square one. You werent gone for too long. I'm feeling like I have only just arrived here again. Three of my closest mates have left for good today. And another two go on the weekend. All my time spend puting any sort of energy into friendships has all been wasted. I know other people here but I am not so close with them. It is going to take alot of hard work to even get into a circle around here. I suppose that is just the way it is. People come and go so fricken often you just have to accept it.
Today I am also learning another important community lesson, that is - never trust anyone. EVER. No matter how nice they are or however close you think they may be, they will have an allegiance somewhere else. I learnt this the hard way. The gossip mill here is ridiculous. You cant just be happy and friends with everyone because people have nothing better to do they feel the need to spread shit about you, or someone else for that matter. So because of this I will be spending quite a bit of time alone in the future. Fuck the social life. I will just keep my head down and save my coin so I can go the fuck home. These fuckers dont deserve my friendship, Ive already learnt that they will be useless mates so Fuck them.
All the ladies I am working with today are Indigenous. Not that I particularly care, but it sucks when they dont make converstaion with you. Its just their way. Incredibly shy. So I feel like a wank most of the day trying to make meaningless converstaion. Most of my day has consisted of sitting in my smoke cage playing fucking Tiny Wings til I get a customer.
My brother arrives this Saturday so hopefully that will make things a little bit more interesting. And my 6 bottles of wine arrive as well. Sure to make things alot better. By the end of the weekend I'll be lucky if i have a bottle left. I can understand why alcohol is regulated so much here. It can be such a fucked place to live in, and I know for sure that if I could drink every night I WOULD. The stress is too intense. And its not even propper stress. My job is easy for fuck sake. Ive got nothing to actually stress about. No responsibility. No expences. But I think its just to loneliness. And homesickness. And lack of things to do. Or friends to make. I think that is where the stress comes from. If you dont own a 4WD or a boat here your fucked. There is nothing for you to do. Or purpose for you being here. And I own neither of those two things. So for me to have a remotely interesting life here I have to constantly try to get invites from people. Fricken tiring thats for sure.
Well I have just put a 6 pack of Carlton Mid tinnies of my brother's into the fridge. He doesnt know it yet but I will be buying them off him and drinking them tonight. Sad really that I spend all my time here thinking of alcohol, how much I miss it, or when the next shipment is coming or when I have to order. They wonder why people have issues.
Anyways. I must get myself back to work and leave in enough time for me to choof down as many durries as possible to make it all seem a tiny bit better.
Bobo.
Today I am also learning another important community lesson, that is - never trust anyone. EVER. No matter how nice they are or however close you think they may be, they will have an allegiance somewhere else. I learnt this the hard way. The gossip mill here is ridiculous. You cant just be happy and friends with everyone because people have nothing better to do they feel the need to spread shit about you, or someone else for that matter. So because of this I will be spending quite a bit of time alone in the future. Fuck the social life. I will just keep my head down and save my coin so I can go the fuck home. These fuckers dont deserve my friendship, Ive already learnt that they will be useless mates so Fuck them.
All the ladies I am working with today are Indigenous. Not that I particularly care, but it sucks when they dont make converstaion with you. Its just their way. Incredibly shy. So I feel like a wank most of the day trying to make meaningless converstaion. Most of my day has consisted of sitting in my smoke cage playing fucking Tiny Wings til I get a customer.
My brother arrives this Saturday so hopefully that will make things a little bit more interesting. And my 6 bottles of wine arrive as well. Sure to make things alot better. By the end of the weekend I'll be lucky if i have a bottle left. I can understand why alcohol is regulated so much here. It can be such a fucked place to live in, and I know for sure that if I could drink every night I WOULD. The stress is too intense. And its not even propper stress. My job is easy for fuck sake. Ive got nothing to actually stress about. No responsibility. No expences. But I think its just to loneliness. And homesickness. And lack of things to do. Or friends to make. I think that is where the stress comes from. If you dont own a 4WD or a boat here your fucked. There is nothing for you to do. Or purpose for you being here. And I own neither of those two things. So for me to have a remotely interesting life here I have to constantly try to get invites from people. Fricken tiring thats for sure.
Well I have just put a 6 pack of Carlton Mid tinnies of my brother's into the fridge. He doesnt know it yet but I will be buying them off him and drinking them tonight. Sad really that I spend all my time here thinking of alcohol, how much I miss it, or when the next shipment is coming or when I have to order. They wonder why people have issues.
Anyways. I must get myself back to work and leave in enough time for me to choof down as many durries as possible to make it all seem a tiny bit better.
Bobo.
Skin Name
Today I met up with my my mum's teaching assistant. She is Indigenous and classes my mum as her sister. Because she classes my mum as her sister that means that her children class me and my brothers as their brothers and sisters. Sharon (the assistant teacher) says my skin name is "Blunjang". Im not totally sure if thats how you spell it but that is how it is said. Different family lines, have different skin names. This also is dependant on what country you are from as well. I was pretty stoked that they call me apart of their family. Its awesome. The only crap part is that a mate of mine killed their pet pig the other day because it mauled his dog. Turns out the pig was a pet of their nephew's. They are devastated. And they know that it was a mate of mine who killed it - thanks to my mother for puting me in the shit for that one, now I am caught in the middle. I am honestly a little entertained by the whole situation. However I did assure her that when I go hunting next I will try and get her a piglet to replace the one that was killed.
I went out into the community tonight to watch a short film made by the student teachers from Melbourne. It was pretty awesome when I rocked up and saw quite a few people that I knew. Getting to know everyone is pretty fun. You can tell they get excited when they see you, or come specifically to your aisle just because they know you. Its a really nice sense of achievement.
The kids here really like my tattoos. They like to touch them and see if they can feel anything on my skin. One kid said today it was "lovely". They come out with some of the cutest sayings. It is days like today that I can see myself staying in the community for a while and helping people. But I know this feeling doesnt hang around long. I wish I could just find a way to not make it so up and down emotionally. Its not even like people are mean to you or anything to make it depressing I think it is just the isolation maybe. But hopefully things will calm down a little.
Still very proud that I got my skin name today. I like to think that I am apart of some one else's family like that.
I went out into the community tonight to watch a short film made by the student teachers from Melbourne. It was pretty awesome when I rocked up and saw quite a few people that I knew. Getting to know everyone is pretty fun. You can tell they get excited when they see you, or come specifically to your aisle just because they know you. Its a really nice sense of achievement.
The kids here really like my tattoos. They like to touch them and see if they can feel anything on my skin. One kid said today it was "lovely". They come out with some of the cutest sayings. It is days like today that I can see myself staying in the community for a while and helping people. But I know this feeling doesnt hang around long. I wish I could just find a way to not make it so up and down emotionally. Its not even like people are mean to you or anything to make it depressing I think it is just the isolation maybe. But hopefully things will calm down a little.
Still very proud that I got my skin name today. I like to think that I am apart of some one else's family like that.
Sunday, 11 September 2011
The Build Up.
At this time of year the Build Up begins. The build up to the wet season that is. On Wednesday night I heard rumours that the "wind had changed direction", meaning that the beginnning of the wet season is not fair away. I didnt really believe this much, thinking that the change of the wind direction happens all the time. Who could possibly know? Well by Friday it was over-cast, hot as hell and we had a shower. Its pretty crazy that after all of the influence that the white man has had, and considering that many these days have lost alot of their skills, that they can still determine the change of season. It is natural instinct to these people. The more I see here, the sadder it gets to think that they are lost in the white world and loosing so much of the precious skills and culture.
However, everyday I make a point of talking to and meeting as many locals as I can. The way I see it is that if they like me, they will help me if I am ever in a dangerous situation, or lost or anything of that sort. The more people that I meet the more I realise that there are alot of people - white and black, that are doing whats best for the community.
I met a young fellow in Jabiru on the weekend, Bernard. The more I got to know him the more I was impressed by the things that he is doing for the community. He is only 19 and is the Manager of Child Safety. He was handed a child at the age of 13 because his brother could not take care of her. An intense way to become father. He plans to become a police man, and travel to Europe. I love meeting local people that actually have aspirations. An aim to be better people, and create better lives for their families. Unfortunatley there is not a very high success rate, as the more money that they make, the more their families will take from them.
Jabiru this weekend taught and important lessing in trusting people. I know that I too easily trust people. I am not very cautious and think the best of everyone. And once again it has gotten the better of me. I am beginning to notice that most white people that are here have only come because they were in a rut, just broken up from a boyfriend, had no point in life, etc; they are a generally troubled bunch of people. No matter how close I think I am to someone here, theres a good chance the next day they wont talk to you. Its fucking ridiculous. I dont know if it is because they are used to people coming and going so much that they dont bother to get to know people until they have hung around for a while, or if they are generally rude. I dont get it. Im a bit over it to be quite honest. I think for the next two weeks or so I will stick to myself.
Along with this the general mood of the entire community is likely to change in the near future due to the build up. The weather is about to get extremely intense and hot. And it is likely the wet will start early apparently. Being stuck inside does things to people. Lets just wait and see how that goes I spose.
On the way back from Jabiru I got to see a crocodile again. It was huge. I think it could have swallowed me whole and I wouldnt have touched the sides. He was just chilling on the bank. And people were just fishing nearby. Crazy fucks. We then stopped off halfway home to check out some rocks on the side of the road. The whole of Arnhem land is laiden with crazy rocks formations. It is hardly believeable that they have just developed that way over thousands of years. Anyway, we stopped off to check out these rocks and there were Aboriginal paintings on them. It was so amazing. A goanna, a turtle and what looked like warrior that had been covered up. We then continued on a little further to some rocks that a friend had pointed out earlier and we decided to check them out. We did a little bush trek to get thru to them, and it was 100% worth it. There were paintings of men with spears and heaps of other stuff. One thing in particular was the Wandjina spirit. It was so raw on the rocks, like it had been done yesterday. Its amazing to think that so long ago in that same place, there was people, possibly living at this rock and doing these paintings. The Wandjina spirit (pictured below) is the bringer of all and the most powerful spirit. Possibly, like their God I suppose. I didnt take my own pictures of this particular painting because it was possibly a sacred site, that I may not have been allowed on, mostly due to this painting. And adding to this it had a weird feel about it. I am not particularly religious but will am not at all afraid to admit that Black Magic scares the shit out of me. Some of the stories I have heard are enough to give people nightmares. So I opted not to take the photo of the spirit and leave it up to Google instead. But it was still awesome! I have some photos of the goanna and turtle paintings that I will post later.
However I most finish up this post. I need to recover as much as possible from my weekend before work tomorrow.
Oh and just before I go, I visited the site where the "Rainbow Serpent" story was created, this is the most well known story amongst most Australians, not just Indigenous. Its an amazing wetland just outside of Jabiru. As much as this place is starting to get me down, there are so many incredible things up here that kind of make it all worth it.
However, everyday I make a point of talking to and meeting as many locals as I can. The way I see it is that if they like me, they will help me if I am ever in a dangerous situation, or lost or anything of that sort. The more people that I meet the more I realise that there are alot of people - white and black, that are doing whats best for the community.
I met a young fellow in Jabiru on the weekend, Bernard. The more I got to know him the more I was impressed by the things that he is doing for the community. He is only 19 and is the Manager of Child Safety. He was handed a child at the age of 13 because his brother could not take care of her. An intense way to become father. He plans to become a police man, and travel to Europe. I love meeting local people that actually have aspirations. An aim to be better people, and create better lives for their families. Unfortunatley there is not a very high success rate, as the more money that they make, the more their families will take from them.
Jabiru this weekend taught and important lessing in trusting people. I know that I too easily trust people. I am not very cautious and think the best of everyone. And once again it has gotten the better of me. I am beginning to notice that most white people that are here have only come because they were in a rut, just broken up from a boyfriend, had no point in life, etc; they are a generally troubled bunch of people. No matter how close I think I am to someone here, theres a good chance the next day they wont talk to you. Its fucking ridiculous. I dont know if it is because they are used to people coming and going so much that they dont bother to get to know people until they have hung around for a while, or if they are generally rude. I dont get it. Im a bit over it to be quite honest. I think for the next two weeks or so I will stick to myself.
Along with this the general mood of the entire community is likely to change in the near future due to the build up. The weather is about to get extremely intense and hot. And it is likely the wet will start early apparently. Being stuck inside does things to people. Lets just wait and see how that goes I spose.
On the way back from Jabiru I got to see a crocodile again. It was huge. I think it could have swallowed me whole and I wouldnt have touched the sides. He was just chilling on the bank. And people were just fishing nearby. Crazy fucks. We then stopped off halfway home to check out some rocks on the side of the road. The whole of Arnhem land is laiden with crazy rocks formations. It is hardly believeable that they have just developed that way over thousands of years. Anyway, we stopped off to check out these rocks and there were Aboriginal paintings on them. It was so amazing. A goanna, a turtle and what looked like warrior that had been covered up. We then continued on a little further to some rocks that a friend had pointed out earlier and we decided to check them out. We did a little bush trek to get thru to them, and it was 100% worth it. There were paintings of men with spears and heaps of other stuff. One thing in particular was the Wandjina spirit. It was so raw on the rocks, like it had been done yesterday. Its amazing to think that so long ago in that same place, there was people, possibly living at this rock and doing these paintings. The Wandjina spirit (pictured below) is the bringer of all and the most powerful spirit. Possibly, like their God I suppose. I didnt take my own pictures of this particular painting because it was possibly a sacred site, that I may not have been allowed on, mostly due to this painting. And adding to this it had a weird feel about it. I am not particularly religious but will am not at all afraid to admit that Black Magic scares the shit out of me. Some of the stories I have heard are enough to give people nightmares. So I opted not to take the photo of the spirit and leave it up to Google instead. But it was still awesome! I have some photos of the goanna and turtle paintings that I will post later.
However I most finish up this post. I need to recover as much as possible from my weekend before work tomorrow.
Oh and just before I go, I visited the site where the "Rainbow Serpent" story was created, this is the most well known story amongst most Australians, not just Indigenous. Its an amazing wetland just outside of Jabiru. As much as this place is starting to get me down, there are so many incredible things up here that kind of make it all worth it.
Thursday, 8 September 2011
HUNTING.
A mate of mine from here took me out hunting for pig and buffalo last night. I've never been so excited for something in my life. The plan was to leave pretty much straight after work. After chucking the guns and the dogs in the back of the ute we headed East out of town. I rode in the back of troupe carrier until we got pretty far into the bush - we went down the same direction where I had been out setting fireworks off the week before. We got about 20km out of town and we all jumped onto the back of the ute armed with the 2 guns and the spotlight. And then we drove. And drove. And tried to spot out Buffalo. Buffalo were our main target.
After a while I spotted our first Buffalo. We pulled up, but it ran too far into the thick before we could take shot. It was all pretty exciting. I couldnt believe that we had seen one just on the side of the road, and how close we had come to getting it!
As we went on we approached an Outstation. Until this moment I wasnt entirely sure exactly what an Outstation was. Ive heard people talk about them, saying they come from one, or that they work there and no one could ever really explain what it was. So basically its a small group of people, a tiny community living together. Its impressively alot cleaner than our community. They have power, decent housing, and AUSTAR! So its a pretty nice little set up they have going. Alot of the time the people that live on the outstations are the traditional land owners of that area. (Every piece of land up here had a traditional land owner (A "T.O"), they get paid royalties for the white man being on their land. I have heard of people getting paid like $20 000 every quarter just for the white man being here. But they still treat us like shit, even though they get compensated for us being here).
As I was saying, the outstation where we went to last night is where the T.O lives for the land we were hunting on. Everyone has to get permission to hunt on their land or they can fine you, take your car etc etc. It can get fairly hectic. So basically they just charge you to hunt on their land. Usually you will just give them some meat when you return of something like that. For example last night Dave (the T.O) asked for a sets of horns if we got a Buffalo.
After meeting with Dave we continued on further into the bush. It took ages for us to even see anything living. Once we did we saw a small herd of Buffalo. Our driver was a local man called Olly. Its a great choice to have someone like that driving because they know the bush like the back of their hand. We get the Buffalo lined up for a shot, they Olly takes off in the truck! We are bouncing around on the back of this truck, trying to take a shot at these buffalo going about 40km. It was hectic, Richie still went for the shot though. As the gun fired, I didnt even consider how loud it was going to be, my ears blocked instantly, I nearly fell off the back of the truck and dropped the spotlight. After all the commotion I think we got a shot in but didnt take any down.
After this we ended up finding a pig, which as it went down another one ran out of the scrub. So we decided to go with it and chase it down. Olly did a pretty good job of getting up next to it......and running it over. The poor thing had a mangled back and still wasnt dead. It didnt suffer too long. This was the first pig that I ever saw get cut up. I decided to jump straight in and help him cut it up. Even though I was a little weirded out by the fact that it had been alive about 90seconds ago. But there i was holding it up by the ears, pulling its legs around and carrying them into the back of the ute, and pulling the ribs out.
We continued on. We still needed at least one buff to end the night. I reckon we would have done about 20kms before we saw anything and it was now my turn to try and shoot something. For about an hour and half we drove. And I sat. I sat so tense, just waiting for that blue glint of a buffalo eye. Would I choke? Would I be quick enough? Would I remember how to shoot the gun? Would I shame myself by a stupid shot? I was having some serious performance anxiety issues. Proper self doubt.
Then it happened. We saw them. About 50m away in some bush. I thank god that they were in the bush because that meant that Richie took the shot (he's an incredible aim). He took the shot and it went down. This was it. The moment that I'd get to see my first buffalo up close, and watch it get cut up. We got over there and I walk over in all my excitement to take a photo. Turns out the buffalo wasnt dead and tried to get up. I shit myself and ran. These things can tip over cars. Its back would have stood about my shoulder height. He put another shot in its head to be sure. We went over to start cutting it apart. I decided 'Its all or nothing' I cant come all this way and not get amongst it. So I pick up the Buff leg and Richie starts to cut. The friggin thing still had life left in it and kicked its leg out. I shit myself. I dropped that shit and ran. And probably screamed a little bit as well. I admit it was a bit emabarassing. But hey, it was my first time.
But I got over it. I held the leg while he cut it. It was epic. The legs weigh about 100kg each. So I basically had my whole weight pulling these legs. Fell over a few times and all my muscles in my arms are shot today. When we got the first leg off, I noticed that the meat was twitching like it was still alive. It was so interesting. I really think its something worth doing. I reckon it would have taken over and hour to take apart. I even got amongst it and had my hands in under the ribs trying to pull them out. My feet were covered in blood. Flesh on my hands. It was the most intense thing. We ended up getting the horns for Dave, even though it was a crazy struggle.
After this, due to our covered-in-blood-ness, we decided to call it a night. Richie still insisted that the whole way back we still spotlight just in case there is something there. He reckoned that I could go for whatever we saw. To be honest my arms were still that shot from lifting the buff legs I couldnt even lift the gun to shoot it. Glad we didnt come across anything else. I wouldnt have been able to do it all again. We made it back to the outstation, where Dave met us to see what we had caught. He then told us he didnt even want the head of the buff, it was the horns he wanted! After all the struggle we went to, to get the head off, I couldnt believe it.
We headed home.
I had the most amazing time. Its crazy when you get back to nature like that. Everything that we killed last night will be eaten. The meat we salvaged was donated to all the locals. Out here if you kill something for no purpose but just to kill it, you get into trouble. Why kill something for no reason? If we dont want the meat, there is always someone here who will eat it. Its a great process. We dont go out for the purpose of eating the meat. We go for the thrill of the hunt, so the locals benefit from this. And by giving them the meat you also gain their trust and build lifetime bonds. I didnt get to shoot anything, but thats ok. Im glad I just got to sit back and watch it all. I will go again. I wont be killing a Buffalo, even though I said I would. I just cant do that. I dont want to kill something that I wont be able to cut up. And there is no way I can cut up a buff. A pig will be no sweat.
However I must end my blog here for today. I have an epic day ahead tomorrow. Jabiru is planned for the weekend again, which it has taken me the whole week to secure a ride in. The amount of alcohol that is going to be drank to make up for this intense week is going to be historic. And possibly quite a bit sad. It is worrying that I am relying on getting out of town for the weekend just so I can soothe my issues with alcohol. But on the other hand, life here is intense, and not always great. I find myself in quite deep depression if I dont do anything or have anything planned. But! I must go.
See you all on the other side of a weekend in Jabiru.
Monday, 5 September 2011
Death, Culture and Everyday Life.
As I continue to get more and more familiar with my surroundings I get the opportunity to learn more about Aboriginal culture. Once the people are familiar with you, they begin to trust you; but it takes quite a while. For example today, I was on the register and a fellow was standing in front of me as I put his groceries through. Then it looked like he spat something on the ground. I looked over the counter and it turned out he had just spat on my floor. Right in front of me. I couldnt believe it. He didnt care. How gross! I made him wipe it up and put the paper towel in the bin. Im not sure if he will respect me more for this, or if he will come and hunt me down for telling a man what to do. Either way I dont believe in getting walked over by somebody just because I am white. It is a very interesting change in life to be the minority when my whole life I have been in the majority. However when I was apart of the mojority, there is no way I would ever spit on someone's floor.
DEATH
As I wrote in an earlier post, our store had to close due to a dead body coming back into the community. This particular dead body only got burried Friday just passed; when it returned Thursday 3 weeks ago. The culture of the particular tribe that resides here is that their body stays above ground until most family members have paid respects. Alot of time they have to travel quite a distance to do so. From my house, every afternoon for the last 3 weeks I have been able to hear chanting and clap sticks, for hours on end. The family is required to attend the ceremony every night, and dance while helping the soul move on. One of the family members is one of my colleagues and I have been lucky enough to hear about the whole ordeal.
So basically this body has been sitting; most likely in this family's living room for the last 3weeks. I have heard stories about bodies sitting there for a number of weeks and starting to deteriorate due to the heat, and fluids seeping from the coffin; which by the way my shop sells so i found out today. These bodies, the family will bury in their yard. There have been cases of the Community Pigs (there are wild pigs that roam freely around our community) found eating body parts. You can drive around the area and see crosses and flowers in peoples yards (I had wondered why my work sold so many plastic flowers). After a while the family will then dig up the body and relocate to their traditional burial ground. My colleague tells me that his grandmother is burried here and that they have to move her before the end of the year. The reason they keep their loved ones in their yards is so that they can grieve for them and have them close by soon after their death.
There is an insane amount of hangings within Aboriginal culture. Within our community there has been 3 (that I know of) since I have been here. They live in the here and now. They cannot forsee or predict outcomes. Many times they will fight, generally over boyfriends, or wives or husbands. To show how distraught they are they, for some reason unknown to me, hang themselves. They do not understand that they will die from this act. I have been told that one boy, a while ago, hung himself. They family left him there to hang, for weeks. And after that they moved him onto a tree in town. And then to another tree out on their country. Sometimes they will do this as punishment, or because of disgrace.
Luckily I have not got to see any of this so far. But every person I speak to here has a similar experience of some kind. I live in probably the best neighbourhood within the community. Everyone in my street is white, and pretty straight edge, so in a way I am quite sheltered from the outside going-ons. I have made a couple of friends within the community and I get my info from them about what is going. Its even more interesting when you have an insiders point of view.
This weekend just past is a grog hand out weekend. Anyone over 18 can have a permit for alcohol within the community; however it is limited. The options are:
- one carton of heavy beer, and one carton of light or mid
- one carton of mid/light beer and 6 bottles of wine; or
- two cartons of light/mid beer
These are provided once every two weeks. So the grog handout day is every second Saturday morning. By the time I finish at lunchtime most of the community would be half cut. By night fall, I probably wouldnt walk around much. These are the nights when all the shit goes down. I actually pity the police on this night, as most people would drink all of their alcohol until they either pass out or until its gone. This is not to say that the white dont do the same thing. My colleague was telling me over the weekend his cousin stabbed his other cousin in the neck and slit his wrists, because he had smoked ganga and drank too much which caused some sort of disagreement between the two.
CULTURE
Today I was speaking with my friend who is a local. He is a really genuine hard worker, which is not common here at all. He comes to work every day without fail and is always in the brightest of moods. However within their culture it is one for all. If one of the family works they are expected to provide for the rest of the family. If you are asked by your family to give money, you must do it. It is expected. Anyway. We were speaking today, and he invited me to attend his son's coming of age ceremony next week. The terrible part is that the ceremony entails him being circumsized, however I am extremely honored to be invited. The fact that after such a short time I have been welcomed to share an event like this with his family is mindblowing. The fact that I'm white and I got asked to attend is pretty rare as well. I'm super excited - also quite nervous. But this is my first true traditional ceremony. Many coming of age ceremonies, women arent allowed to attend and are held in the bush. I am interested to see if where this ceremony will be held.
The more and more I get used to the way of life up here, the more I worry if I will ever be comfortable with main stream life ever again. I love the freedom here. If you dont show up to work the boss wont call you at all, they will just assume that you will show up one day. Doesnt matter if your late back from your lunch break, or late to work for that matter; these things take time. If your phone rings at work, just answer it. Never hurry. No need to stress because no one else in the community has anything of any importance to do. If you cant find your shoes in the morning, thats ok, wear whatever you like. It doesnt matter what you wear - as long as its not inappropriate, or how your hair is. Its great. Ive never felt so connected with myself, and so free to be me. I like it.
DEATH
As I wrote in an earlier post, our store had to close due to a dead body coming back into the community. This particular dead body only got burried Friday just passed; when it returned Thursday 3 weeks ago. The culture of the particular tribe that resides here is that their body stays above ground until most family members have paid respects. Alot of time they have to travel quite a distance to do so. From my house, every afternoon for the last 3 weeks I have been able to hear chanting and clap sticks, for hours on end. The family is required to attend the ceremony every night, and dance while helping the soul move on. One of the family members is one of my colleagues and I have been lucky enough to hear about the whole ordeal.
So basically this body has been sitting; most likely in this family's living room for the last 3weeks. I have heard stories about bodies sitting there for a number of weeks and starting to deteriorate due to the heat, and fluids seeping from the coffin; which by the way my shop sells so i found out today. These bodies, the family will bury in their yard. There have been cases of the Community Pigs (there are wild pigs that roam freely around our community) found eating body parts. You can drive around the area and see crosses and flowers in peoples yards (I had wondered why my work sold so many plastic flowers). After a while the family will then dig up the body and relocate to their traditional burial ground. My colleague tells me that his grandmother is burried here and that they have to move her before the end of the year. The reason they keep their loved ones in their yards is so that they can grieve for them and have them close by soon after their death.
There is an insane amount of hangings within Aboriginal culture. Within our community there has been 3 (that I know of) since I have been here. They live in the here and now. They cannot forsee or predict outcomes. Many times they will fight, generally over boyfriends, or wives or husbands. To show how distraught they are they, for some reason unknown to me, hang themselves. They do not understand that they will die from this act. I have been told that one boy, a while ago, hung himself. They family left him there to hang, for weeks. And after that they moved him onto a tree in town. And then to another tree out on their country. Sometimes they will do this as punishment, or because of disgrace.
Luckily I have not got to see any of this so far. But every person I speak to here has a similar experience of some kind. I live in probably the best neighbourhood within the community. Everyone in my street is white, and pretty straight edge, so in a way I am quite sheltered from the outside going-ons. I have made a couple of friends within the community and I get my info from them about what is going. Its even more interesting when you have an insiders point of view.
This weekend just past is a grog hand out weekend. Anyone over 18 can have a permit for alcohol within the community; however it is limited. The options are:
- one carton of heavy beer, and one carton of light or mid
- one carton of mid/light beer and 6 bottles of wine; or
- two cartons of light/mid beer
These are provided once every two weeks. So the grog handout day is every second Saturday morning. By the time I finish at lunchtime most of the community would be half cut. By night fall, I probably wouldnt walk around much. These are the nights when all the shit goes down. I actually pity the police on this night, as most people would drink all of their alcohol until they either pass out or until its gone. This is not to say that the white dont do the same thing. My colleague was telling me over the weekend his cousin stabbed his other cousin in the neck and slit his wrists, because he had smoked ganga and drank too much which caused some sort of disagreement between the two.
CULTURE
Today I was speaking with my friend who is a local. He is a really genuine hard worker, which is not common here at all. He comes to work every day without fail and is always in the brightest of moods. However within their culture it is one for all. If one of the family works they are expected to provide for the rest of the family. If you are asked by your family to give money, you must do it. It is expected. Anyway. We were speaking today, and he invited me to attend his son's coming of age ceremony next week. The terrible part is that the ceremony entails him being circumsized, however I am extremely honored to be invited. The fact that after such a short time I have been welcomed to share an event like this with his family is mindblowing. The fact that I'm white and I got asked to attend is pretty rare as well. I'm super excited - also quite nervous. But this is my first true traditional ceremony. Many coming of age ceremonies, women arent allowed to attend and are held in the bush. I am interested to see if where this ceremony will be held.
The more and more I get used to the way of life up here, the more I worry if I will ever be comfortable with main stream life ever again. I love the freedom here. If you dont show up to work the boss wont call you at all, they will just assume that you will show up one day. Doesnt matter if your late back from your lunch break, or late to work for that matter; these things take time. If your phone rings at work, just answer it. Never hurry. No need to stress because no one else in the community has anything of any importance to do. If you cant find your shoes in the morning, thats ok, wear whatever you like. It doesnt matter what you wear - as long as its not inappropriate, or how your hair is. Its great. Ive never felt so connected with myself, and so free to be me. I like it.
Friday, 2 September 2011
A New Perspective
Since my last post life here has changed quite interestingly. Mostly for the better. I have made a very close friend over the last two weeks. Last weekend we ventured to Jabiru; which is the closest town to our community. And it has a pub. The main draw card.
The trip was totally last minute, we had no plans and all we knew was that we were going to Jabiru and alot of people from our community would be there. It is approximately a 200km trip of which about 170km of the road is gravel, and not guaranteed to be in great condition. Along the way I got to see my first Water Buffaloes. A pretty exciting moment. I spent most of the trip staring out of the window taking in all the scenery until it got too dark. We crossed the last crossing into Jabiru, it is known to be full of Crocodiles. I got to see a pair of croc-eyes which glinted in our head lights. About 20m away from this was someone fishing - at night. Unbelievable.
We got into Jabbers at about 9.30 at night and went straight to the pub. An interesting little place, a couple of pokie machines, a cement slab out the back where an ABBA cover band were performing, and most importantly - Red Rum. I wasted no time in catching up with my best friend. We definately drank until we got our fill, and then we drank some more. I caught up with quite a few people from Maningrida and we all hung out and drank together. We caught up with people who lived in our community before me but had moved back to civilisation. Some of the most beautiful people I have ever met. I felt like I was leaving my family when we had to leave. Seeing people from our community in Jabbers is like being on school camp. It brings you oddly closer because you have a particular memory of which you all share
The morning came way too quickly, which did not help my hangover at all. We decided to head back towards Maningrida for the festival at Oenpelli. On the way we stopped at the last crossing we had crossed the night before (after I had had my first roadside spew - a little embarassing, a little mile-stone-ish.) as we strolled down the bank of the crossing we noticed hundreds of fish splashing around in the water, visible and very catchable. I then realised that there were 2 crocodiles just cruising by down the stream. The one I could see the best would have been about 2.5m long. Just chilling on the other side of the river. I was ecstatic. This was the one thing that I had desperately wanted to see while being in the Territory, and I cant believe I conquered it so soon. The day which followed was great. We explored Oenpelli - the neighbouring community, and I saw Arnhem Land. The terrain here is pretty unbelievable to me. Its like nothing I have ever seen. There are rocks that have been carved by the weather over thousands of years all throughout Arnhem Land. One in particular has the face of a local man on one side and the face of a monkey on the other. Its huge and approximately 50m tall. No one would have carved that shit. The night continued on to be interesting and epic. Alot more alcohol consumption and meeting and greeting of fellow Maningridans. Some of which I will think will turn into long lasting friends.
The whole weekend had no plan or schedule. At no stage did we know what we were going to get up to. It was amazing just being free in a place with so many people that I knew, and who of which had the same perspective as me. Everyone was there to live it up and just let free. My trip home was pretty trying. Our driver was not the best. We had to take a young local boy along with us because the road back home was closed for ceremony; which can be for many reasons, including right of passage type ceremonies, or fertility ceremonies. Males do not know what goes on at womens ceremonies and vice-versa. Because the land where the road is, is owned by the Aboriginals (who get paid thousands of dollars in royalties a year for the white man being on their land) they have the right to close the road for up to a month at any time. So anyway, on our last stretch into town our driver nearly rolled our vehicle. I think our Local passanger nearly jumped out of his skin. If the situation had further developed and the had rolled, if the boy had been injured or killed, the driver may have had to pay off the family or may have even been ran out of town.
This week I stayed with a friend which gave me opportunity for alot of new experiences. One night this week we got a hold of a few beers and got a few mates over. The evening ended up in a place called Fred's Bridge approx 20km out of town. In between town and Fred's bridge, we stopped and let off some fireworks. And then went to check some Cherapin pots (freshwater lobster). Its crazy how a slow evening out here can turn into something so exciting. I had the best time and I couldnt wipe the smile off my face. Our night ended with us sitting at this bridge drinking beers and speaking shit. I couldnt have imagined anything better.
The next night I visited a mate who had been hunting the night before. He had a buffalo head on the tray of his ute. Waiting for the skin to rot away so he could mount the scull.
The way of life here is amazing. Its simple but the range of things that you can get up to here is totally exciting. Its relaxed. I have lists of things that i want to achieve before I leave, I am beginning to worry that I wont be able to save a dime and become so enticed by this life style that I will get so wrapped up that I will never leave. But in all at this point I am very happy here. I have never felt so much like myself. And I cant believe how much I smile during the day time. I feel at peace here and I wonder if maybe this is where I am meant to be. I am beginning to become familiar with a few of the locals. I feel a sense of achievement when they remember me, or even speak to me. Even so much as getting a "how are you" is an achievement for me. For looking like such a shit place at first glance, I cannot believe how much I like it. I do accept that there will be down days though. Everyone has them. Cabin Fever does set in. But for now I am just going to enjoy where I am at. I love feeling this happy, it make me want to somehow help the people here, or try and make it better in some way. I have considered doing some volunteer work with the youth centre. But I dont want to get in too deep and ruin all my Europe plans. Either way, this is great for now.
Cheers to finding happiness!
"Happiness is fine, but its momentary...
A momentary lapse of Relality,
Relality is fine, but for the moment it can wait because I'm addicted to the chase of my Happiness"
- Illy.
The trip was totally last minute, we had no plans and all we knew was that we were going to Jabiru and alot of people from our community would be there. It is approximately a 200km trip of which about 170km of the road is gravel, and not guaranteed to be in great condition. Along the way I got to see my first Water Buffaloes. A pretty exciting moment. I spent most of the trip staring out of the window taking in all the scenery until it got too dark. We crossed the last crossing into Jabiru, it is known to be full of Crocodiles. I got to see a pair of croc-eyes which glinted in our head lights. About 20m away from this was someone fishing - at night. Unbelievable.
We got into Jabbers at about 9.30 at night and went straight to the pub. An interesting little place, a couple of pokie machines, a cement slab out the back where an ABBA cover band were performing, and most importantly - Red Rum. I wasted no time in catching up with my best friend. We definately drank until we got our fill, and then we drank some more. I caught up with quite a few people from Maningrida and we all hung out and drank together. We caught up with people who lived in our community before me but had moved back to civilisation. Some of the most beautiful people I have ever met. I felt like I was leaving my family when we had to leave. Seeing people from our community in Jabbers is like being on school camp. It brings you oddly closer because you have a particular memory of which you all share
The morning came way too quickly, which did not help my hangover at all. We decided to head back towards Maningrida for the festival at Oenpelli. On the way we stopped at the last crossing we had crossed the night before (after I had had my first roadside spew - a little embarassing, a little mile-stone-ish.) as we strolled down the bank of the crossing we noticed hundreds of fish splashing around in the water, visible and very catchable. I then realised that there were 2 crocodiles just cruising by down the stream. The one I could see the best would have been about 2.5m long. Just chilling on the other side of the river. I was ecstatic. This was the one thing that I had desperately wanted to see while being in the Territory, and I cant believe I conquered it so soon. The day which followed was great. We explored Oenpelli - the neighbouring community, and I saw Arnhem Land. The terrain here is pretty unbelievable to me. Its like nothing I have ever seen. There are rocks that have been carved by the weather over thousands of years all throughout Arnhem Land. One in particular has the face of a local man on one side and the face of a monkey on the other. Its huge and approximately 50m tall. No one would have carved that shit. The night continued on to be interesting and epic. Alot more alcohol consumption and meeting and greeting of fellow Maningridans. Some of which I will think will turn into long lasting friends.
The whole weekend had no plan or schedule. At no stage did we know what we were going to get up to. It was amazing just being free in a place with so many people that I knew, and who of which had the same perspective as me. Everyone was there to live it up and just let free. My trip home was pretty trying. Our driver was not the best. We had to take a young local boy along with us because the road back home was closed for ceremony; which can be for many reasons, including right of passage type ceremonies, or fertility ceremonies. Males do not know what goes on at womens ceremonies and vice-versa. Because the land where the road is, is owned by the Aboriginals (who get paid thousands of dollars in royalties a year for the white man being on their land) they have the right to close the road for up to a month at any time. So anyway, on our last stretch into town our driver nearly rolled our vehicle. I think our Local passanger nearly jumped out of his skin. If the situation had further developed and the had rolled, if the boy had been injured or killed, the driver may have had to pay off the family or may have even been ran out of town.
This week I stayed with a friend which gave me opportunity for alot of new experiences. One night this week we got a hold of a few beers and got a few mates over. The evening ended up in a place called Fred's Bridge approx 20km out of town. In between town and Fred's bridge, we stopped and let off some fireworks. And then went to check some Cherapin pots (freshwater lobster). Its crazy how a slow evening out here can turn into something so exciting. I had the best time and I couldnt wipe the smile off my face. Our night ended with us sitting at this bridge drinking beers and speaking shit. I couldnt have imagined anything better.
The next night I visited a mate who had been hunting the night before. He had a buffalo head on the tray of his ute. Waiting for the skin to rot away so he could mount the scull.
The way of life here is amazing. Its simple but the range of things that you can get up to here is totally exciting. Its relaxed. I have lists of things that i want to achieve before I leave, I am beginning to worry that I wont be able to save a dime and become so enticed by this life style that I will get so wrapped up that I will never leave. But in all at this point I am very happy here. I have never felt so much like myself. And I cant believe how much I smile during the day time. I feel at peace here and I wonder if maybe this is where I am meant to be. I am beginning to become familiar with a few of the locals. I feel a sense of achievement when they remember me, or even speak to me. Even so much as getting a "how are you" is an achievement for me. For looking like such a shit place at first glance, I cannot believe how much I like it. I do accept that there will be down days though. Everyone has them. Cabin Fever does set in. But for now I am just going to enjoy where I am at. I love feeling this happy, it make me want to somehow help the people here, or try and make it better in some way. I have considered doing some volunteer work with the youth centre. But I dont want to get in too deep and ruin all my Europe plans. Either way, this is great for now.
Cheers to finding happiness!
"Happiness is fine, but its momentary...
A momentary lapse of Relality,
Relality is fine, but for the moment it can wait because I'm addicted to the chase of my Happiness"
- Illy.
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